Help! I’m Not Ready to Leave my Baby

There is a lot of pressure on women to get on with things after the birth. You’re expected to continue having it all, even in the midst of the hormonal aftermath that is those first few postpartum weeks. Many women feel pressure to leave their baby when they aren’t quite ready.

Why the pressure exists

Quite simply, a lot of that pressure exists for selfish reasons. Grandparents may be encouraging you to have a night out so that they can enjoy an evening of babysitting. Friends may be trying to convince you to go for cocktails because they miss your company. Of course, neither of these things are crimes, but they’re also unlikely to be top of your agenda right now.

Should I leave my baby?

There is no right or wrong time to leave your baby with a sitter. Some moms are comfortable to do this early on and for others, it can take much longer until they’re ready to be parted from the baby. You should do what is right for you. This is your decision to make and nobody else’s. Nobody else can tell you how you should feel or how you should act. Being a mom is life-changing and if that means you skip a few cocktail nights, then so be it.

How can I say no?

You hate to say no, don’t you? It sounds so selfish and unhelpful, but it’s something you need to get used to saying. You’re a mama now and that means your priorities have shifted. You have less time to worry about what other people think right now and that can only be a good thing.

It might not be easy to turn down babysitting offers from keen bean grandparents, but you don’t have to accept if you’re not ready to take that step yet. You can politely explain that you’re not ready to leave your baby yet, but let them know that you’ll be calling on them for babysitting duty when you are ready in the future.

For friends who are feeling left out, all you need to do is be honest. Tell them you’re not ready yet. Your baby is still so little and you just can’t leave her just yet, but one day you will. And in the meantime, how about a cocktail night at your house instead? Or perhaps a lunchtime catch up next weekend? Be flexible and make sure your friends know that you still value them, but that you’re just not quite ready to leave your baby just yet.

When will I be ready to leave my baby?

Don’t worry, you’re not going to be following your kid to uni, unable to cut that cord. It’s very common for mothers to want to stay close to their young babies. There’s nothing wrong with it, this is simply the first stage of motherhood. As your baby grows, you will find yourself feeling more able to spend time apart. There’s no need to rush it, just wait until you feel ready. Your baby will only be this little once.

Written by Fiona (@Fiona_Peacock), mother, writer and lover of all things baby related.

This information is not intended to replace the advice of a trained medical doctor. Health & Parenting Ltd disclaims any liability for the decisions you make based on this information, which is provided to you on a general information basis only and not as a substitute for personalized medical advice. All contents copyright © Health & Parenting Ltd 2016. All rights reserved.

You Can’t Hold Your Baby Too Much

“If you pick your baby up every time he cries, you’re going to spoil him!”
“He’s just trying to manipulate you!”
“I see he’s already got you trained!”

How many of these have you heard? But science is on your side – you can’t hold your baby too much, and you’re not creating a whiny brat by picking him up. Instead, responsive parenting teaches your baby about trust and compassion.

Research shows that infant crying usually peaks around six weeks of age, and then decreases by half by 12 weeks of age. Did you know that if mom responds within 90 seconds of baby starting to cry, baby calms quickly? If she waits longer to respond, however, prolonged calming is needed. Who doesn’t want less crying? A quick response to a fussy baby makes a happier, less stressful environment for everyone.

Babies cry for all sorts of reasons, and you’ll be amazed by how quickly you learn to tell the ‘I’m hungry’ cry apart from the ‘I’m tired’ one. As your baby grows, you’ll learn all the other cues he uses to communicate with you. When you respond to those attempts at communication, your baby learns to trust you. You’re teaching your baby how to develop a secure attachment to you, the caregiver.

Studies from the 1950s to present day show that babies who are not responded to tend to grow up insecure, unsure, and more fearful. Babies who are responded to consistently and positively grow to be independent children and adults. In fact, as these babies grow, they …

• Have higher self-esteem
• Have improved focus, and fewer behavior problems
• Are better able to regulate their emotions
• Experience less fear and anxiety
• Are more likely show altruistic behaviors, such as, gratitude, appreciation, and caring

One of the most amazing benefits of responsive parenting and secure attachment is to baby’s brain. Babies experience incredible brain growth during the first two years of life when millions of connections are made between neurons. And the more connections, the better the brain functions. Studies show that parents can influence this growth by their interactions with baby. Being sensitive to baby’s cues, responding consistently, and interacting with baby will all add to baby’s intellectual development.

Holding, cuddling, touching and interacting all boost your baby’s nervous system development without being stressful. Oxytocin, the feel-good hormone of love, is released for both baby and caregiver during these interactions. A win-win for both parties!

So you won’t spoil your baby by picking him up all the time, especially in these first few months – in fact, you’ll do just the opposite.

Written by Michelle, childbirth educator, lactation consultant, and mother to 4 busy kids