Why Don’t I Want to Have Sex?

It may not be surprising, but many new moms find they have a decreased libido. Could it be that being surrounded by poop, vomit and urine all day maybe isn’t the best lead up to a successful night of passion? A decreased sex drive isn’t unusual after birth, for some women sex is the last thing on their mind after a long day of parenting.

Why don’t I want sex?

There are plenty of reasons why you might not be feeling in the mood for love these days. First and foremost, there’s that bone aching tiredness you’re experiencing. When you finally collapse into bed at night, you probably don’t have much energy left for anything other than falling asleep.

Caring for a baby can be pretty full on. Babies like to be held, they need cuddling, feeding and changing all day long. By the end of the day, it’s not surprising that many moms feel ‘touched out’. Once that baby is sound asleep in bed, some moms just want to not be touched for a while. Not exactly conducive with sexy time.

You may also be worried that sex won’t feel quite the same after having a baby. Hormonal changes associated with breastfeeding can leave you less interested in sex. If you’re breastfeeding, the decreased estrogen levels mean you may also notice some vaginal dryness that could mean sex is less enjoyable than usual. You may even be feeling a little self-conscious about your postpartum body. It may take a while before you truly feel like yourself again.

What to do instead

Sex isn’t the be all and end all, there are plenty of ways you can nurture your relationship without having sex. Intimacy is just as important, and that’s something you can invest time in while you’re waiting for your libido to increase again. Make sure that you still have time for each other physically. Hold hands, cuddle, kiss and snuggle up together on the sofa. Intimacy doesn’t always have to lead to sex, you can just enjoy the closeness for what it is.

Most women find their libido increases as time passes, so try not to waste time worrying that this is it forever. Be open and honest with your partner, and don’t be afraid to communicate how you are feeling. Without this open communication, your partner is likely to assume you don’t want to have sex with him. Let him know how much you love and appreciate him, but don’t be afraid to tell him you’re not in the mood. Explain that it’s a temporary dry spell and that it’s nothing to do with the strength of your feelings for him.

If you are worried about your decreased libido, speak to your healthcare provider for advice.

Have you noticed a decrease in libido after the birth of your child?

Written by Fiona (@Fiona_Peacock), mother, writer and lover of all things baby related.

This information is not intended to replace the advice of a trained medical doctor. Health & Parenting Ltd disclaims any liability for the decisions you make based on this information, which is provided to you on a general information basis only and not as a substitute for personalized medical advice. All contents copyright © Health & Parenting Ltd 2016. All rights reserved.