I Swore I’d Never …

One day, I caught myself yelling, “If you lick your sister one more time ….” Did I really utter those words? And, loud enough that the neighbors likely heard me? Sometimes, I hear my own mother’s voice when I say, “cut it out” – cut what out, my kids probably think, or more likely, where are the scissors? Apart from things I say, I know there are things I do that I never would have imagined before having kids.

Here are 20 things I’ve heard parents swear they would never do but can’t help doing now that they have small children:

  1. I’d never eat food dropped on the floor. (OK – well maybe only at home.)
  2. I would never let my kids eat that. (whether “that” is candy, chocolate, dog food … I mean, it happens ….)
  3. I’d never hold a fussy baby for the entire day – she’s going to spoil that baby!
  4. My child would never throw a tantrum like that in public.
  5. I’d never offer my toddler M&Ms as a reward for pottying.
  6. I’d never let my baby (toddler? preschooler?) sleep in my bed.
  7. My children will all sleep through the night.
  8. I’m never having another baby. (This goes along with “We are never having sex again.”)
  9. I would never let my toddler have a pacifier once he’s walking.
  10. I’d never let my baby use me as a pacifier.
  11. I’d never breastfeed a baby who has teeth.
  12. I’d never breastfeed a child who can talk and ask for it.
  13. I’ll never let my kids watch [fill in the blank] on television (or even watch TV at all).
  14. I will never say, “because I said so” to my children.
  15. I will never say, “when I was your age” to my kids.
  16. I would never go out of the house looking like that.
  17. I will never wear mom jeans (or yoga pants or sweatpants).
  18. I’d never let my child dress that way.
  19. I would never change my plans because of my kids.
  20. I would never let my kids rule me that way.

Next time you catch yourself in one of these statements, step back and think about your own biases and actions. Then give the parents – or yourself – a break. Parenting is hard enough without the judgment of others. All parents need support – you’re all in the same boat.

What about you – what are you doing that you swore you’d never do?

Written by Michelle, childbirth instructor, lactation consultant, and mother to 4 busy kids

This information is not intended to replace the advice of a trained medical doctor. Health & Parenting Ltd disclaims any liability for the decisions you make based on this information, which is provided to you on a general information basis only and not as a substitute for personalized medical advice.  All contents copyright © Health & Parenting Ltd 2016. All rights reserved.

Create Some Bedtime Fun

Bedtime doesn’t need to be a battle. Nighttime routines can help kids transition from the waking world to the quiet night peacefully and easily. But it doesn’t need to be boring. Some of the best-loved family traditions and cherished memories are made when preparing for bed. Here’s how to make your bedtime fun for the whole family.

Create a cozy sleep space:
Allow your toddler some choices in pajamas or sheets and blankets. Having a bedroom they’ve helped plan can give them a sense of ownership and an investment in the sleep area. Would your child do best with a few stuffed animals or a special pillow? These items can be a “security blanket” for your child.

Create a routine:
Kids thrive on structure and routine. If they know what to expect at bedtimes, you’ll have less of a hassle on a day-to-day basis. Your family’s bedtime routine might include:

  • Ambience – Turn off the television, dim the lights and play some quiet music. The more calm the setting, the more likely your child is to start winding down.
  • Bath – a warm bath – maybe with some soothing scented water or wash – makes a good transition
  • Snack – You’ll want to time this right – the best time for a bedtime snack is about an hour before lights out. Avoid any sugary snacks, or those containing caffeine. Carbs will trigger the release of sleep inducing hormones, crackers, whole grain bread, or dairy products. Don’t forget to have your child brush his teeth afterwards!
  • Reading – start a tradition of reading to your child every night before bed. When they get older, you may want to have a set number of minutes for independent silent reading before lights out. You can even tuck into bed with your child and read a few pages of your favorite book!
  • Final bathroom break – if your child is potty trained (or is in the process), take one last opportunity to got to the bathroom before bed. If your little one is still in diapers, check to see if you need to do one last changing. A comfortable baby is more likely to stay asleep.
  • Talking about the day – Don’t be afraid to lay with your child as they are dozing off. Talk about the good and bad things that happened that day, or what they are hoping will happen the next day. Some of the best conversations with your kids will happen laying side by side in a quiet dark room.

No matter what routine you create, make sure it’s calm. This isn’t a time for roughhousing or jumping around.

Avoid bedtime battles by sticking to your routine. When children know what to expect half the battle is won. Be sure your child is getting enough daytime exercise. Sometimes just an afternoon of playing in the sunshine can create an easier sleep time.

Create some fun:
Occasional fun-time bedtime routines as your children get older might include …

  • Indoor camping: Throw some sleeping bags on the floor, make a fire in the fireplace or turn on lanterns around the room, and camp out in your living room. Tell campfire stories, sing songs, …
  • Family game night: Once everyone has gotten the essentials done (bath, snack, teeth brushed, etc.), choose a game everyone will enjoy. Board games and card games should be short, fun (the 3-hour Monopoly game may not be the best choice), and age-appropriate.
  • Family movie time: Choose a movie together, and once everyone is bathed and ready for bed, snuggle on the couch and watch the film together. Dim the lights and share some popcorn.
  • Pajama walk: Get everyone in their pajamas, and take a walk around the neighborhood. Your child can expend any excess energy, and arrive home ready for bed. Even a baby in a stroller will usually be ready for sleep after a quick walk, and you’ll sleep better after a little exercise and fresh air.

Written by Michelle, childbirth instructor, lactation consultant, and mother to 4 busy kids

This information is not intended to replace the advice of a trained medical doctor. Health & Parenting Ltd disclaims any liability for the decisions you make based on this information, which is provided to you on a general information basis only and not as a substitute for personalized medical advice.  All contents copyright © Health & Parenting Ltd 2016. All rights reserved.

Your Baby’s Pearly Whites

For months you’ve been enjoying your baby’s gummy smiles. But your baby has started drooling a little, and seems to want to chew on everything and anything. Are her first teeth ready to erupt?

Teething signs and symptoms

When your baby starts teething, you may notice the following:

  • Drooling
  • Biting
  • Sucking on hands
  • Irritability, fussiness
  • Wakefulness
  • Ear rubbing
  • A rash on the chin or around the mouth

When will my baby get teeth?

The lower central incisors are typically the first teeth to erupt – usually between 6 and 10 months. But your baby may show teething signs months ahead of that as the teeth start to push up through the gums. The top central incisors will show up between 8 and 12 months. And the remaining teeth slowly appear over the next couple of years, with the second molars coming in when your baby is 2½ to 3 years old.

What can I do about teething pain?

Those gums are sore! But pressure seems to make them feel better. Find one or two safe teethers that your baby really loves – they might be wooden, rubber or even cloth. Try gum massage – using a clean index finger, gently rub small circles all around baby’s gums. Freeze a wet washcloth and allow baby to chew on it, or put a baby spoon in the fridge to chill and give it to baby as a teether. Talk to your doctor about pain relievers – ibuprofen and acetaminophen may be useful for the worst bouts of pain but it’s best to consult a doctor first. Consider topical pain relievers, too.

How do I care for my baby’s teeth?

Even before those first teeth appear, you may want to use a washcloth or small piece of gauze over your finger to gently wipe baby’s gums after eating. The using a small, soft toothbrush and water only, you can clean the teeth as they appear. Be sure to brush the front and back of the teeth. You can slowly start using toothpaste as your baby gets older (start with just the tiniest smear and graduate to a pea-sized dollop of a gentle toothpaste when your child is around age 3).

Experts recommend scheduling your baby’s first dental exam between the ages 1 and 3 to check tooth development, with regular checkups thereafter.

Allow your baby a few sips of water after meals to wash away food particles. Don’t allow your baby to fall asleep with a bottle or sippy cup to prevent tooth decay. Breastfeeding to sleep, however, doesn’t need to be avoided, as the breastmilk doesn’t typically pool in the mouth in the same way.

Now that she has teeth, do I need to stop breastfeeding?

Many moms worry about baby biting the breast when feeding. When the baby is latched correctly, the tongue typically covers the lower gums and biting is unlikely. If baby falls asleep and lets go a little, he may try to recover by clamping down with his gums – and his new teeth. Paying close attention and removing baby from the breast when he is done actively nursing can prevent this from happening. Occasionally baby’s teeth will irritate the areola while nursing. Getting the best possible latch and changing positions often alleviates this problem.

When will my child start losing teeth?

Around age 6, your child may start losing their “baby teeth” – typically with the lower central incisors coming out first.

Fun Fact

Occasionally babies are born with teeth. Though very rare, these “natal teeth” have very little root structure holding them in place and are typically removed in the first couple of days after birth.

Written by Michelle, childbirth instructor, lactation consultant, and mother to 4 busy kids

This information is not intended to replace the advice of a trained medical doctor. Health & Parenting Ltd disclaims any liability for the decisions you make based on this information, which is provided to you on a general information basis only and not as a substitute for personalized medical advice.  All contents copyright © Health & Parenting Ltd 2016. All rights reserved.

Gender Neutrality With Toys?

When you first found out you were having a little boy or a little girl, you were probably bombarded with pinks and blues. Not to mention, cute little dolls for your baby girl, and tiny truck sets for your little boy.

But as your child is growing old enough to actually start playing with those toys, you may be wondering how much you should be sticking to toys specifically geared towards one gender or another.

Gender neutrality has been in the news quite a bit lately, with many big box retail stores putting an end to “Boy” and “Girl” toy aisles, declaring all the toys fit for whichever gender prefers them.

There’s good reason for this—the science is in, and stripping toys of their gender specifications seems to be empowering for children, and good for society as a whole. What’s more, the science has shown that by opening the playing field up to all toys, children are able to gain a wider range of experiences and skills through their play than they would be if they were limited to toys meant for just one gender or the other.

So what does that mean for you and your family?

Well, it means… don’t spend too much time worrying about whether your child is playing with “boy toys” or “girl toys,” because there really isn’t any such thing. If your little boy wants to play with your daughter’s dolls, let him. And if your little girl wants to play with your son’s trucks, maybe it’s time to buy her some of her own.

Our children are being sent conscious and unconscious messages every single day about gender norms, but when it comes to the toys they play with—allowing them to simply explore and play with the toys that appeal most to them can be one of the best ways to help them develop their imaginations and senses of self.

Which goes in the other direction as well—if your little boy is “all-boy,” only interested in playing with army men and superheroes, don’t try to force a doll on him. Let him guide those interests.

Again, it’s about letting kids play with the toys they want to play with, without the parental interjections of which toys are or aren’t appropriate for their gender. Let your kiddos guide that one, sharing with you their own interests and expanding upon their own imaginations in the process.

Let toys be toys, and let kids be kids.

And while you’re at it, don’t forget to join them for those play sessions every once in a while!

Written by Leah Campbell, infertility advocate, adoptive mama, writer and editor. Find me @sifinalaska on Twitter.

This information is not intended to replace the advice of a trained medical doctor. Health & Parenting Ltd disclaims any liability for the decisions you make based on this information, which is provided to you on a general informational basis only and not as a substitute for personalized medical advice. All contents copyright Health & Parenting Ltd 2016. All rights reserved.

Understanding Imaginative Play and Your Almost One Year Old

As your little one approaches that exciting first year milestone, you have probably started to notice he or she is beginning to play pretend more often than ever before. Maybe they are pretending to talk on the phone or to use keys to unlock doors. Perhaps they are cradling their babies just as you do for them, or wanting to feed stuffed animals pretend food from their play kitchen.

At this age, most children are starting to recognize the purpose of various toys. They know that toy trucks are for pushing and crashing, and that toy dolls are for nurturing and loving. They are also learning to mimic what you do, which is actually part of what sets up the foundation for their imaginative play in the months and years to come.

How you play with your little one is also part of how that foundation is built. They will learn how to imagine and pretend from you. So even if you propose a pretend tea party and they don’t seem to quite understand what’s happening just yet, or if you pretend to be a puppy, and they laugh and giggle but don’t join in themselves, that’s okay. They are just now gathering those building blocks for imaginative play. And the more you engage in it yourself, the more they will pick up on.

So turn that cardboard box into a pretend car. Make animal noises when you see a horse or cow in the book you’re reading before bedtime. Allow your baby to pretend feed you instead of the stuffed animals. And always be on the lookout for ways to turn everyday objects into tools for play. For instance, that empty paper towel roll is perfect for a makeshift microphone or telescope.

This type of imaginative play is so important for your child’s cognitive and social development. Remember, your little one is at a stage where he or she is learning through play, and pretending is a great way to fire off different areas of the brain and build an awareness of the world around them. Imaginative play is one of the core building blocks for creativity, with your child learning how to express the cognitive flexibility required for creativity already.

In the years to come, this imaginative play will also be a great way for your little one to explore the emotions and thoughts they may not be able to readily put into words, which can give them an outlet for expression that all of us desperately need.

The fact that your child is starting to engage in imaginative play is an exciting milestone. So encourage it, and get down on the ground beside them to be a part of it!

Written by Leah Campbell, infertility advocate, adoptive mama, writer and editor. Find me @sifinalaska on Twitter.

This information is not intended to replace the advice of a trained medical doctor. Health & Parenting Ltd disclaims any liability for the decisions you make based on this information, which is provided to you on a general informational basis only and not as a substitute for personalized medical advice. All contents copyright Health & Parenting Ltd 2016. All rights reserved.

7 Tips to Avoid Sibling Rivalry

If you have any siblings of your own, you’ll know first hand that the sibling relationship is a complex, dynamic roller coaster. It’s a love hate relationship, especially during childhood. Children battle it out for independence, attention and love. You may have noticed just how volatile this relationship can be by observing your own children. From the tender kisses, cuddles and care they show for another one minute, to the shouting, fighting and cruelty they can inflict the next. As a parent, it can be frustrating to watch this relationship unfold. Why can’t they just get along?

Sibling rivalry is a part of life, and there’s not much you can do to prevent it. There are, however, things you can do to minimize the fall out and help your children to heal that oh-so-important relationship. Here are seven tips to cope with sibling rivalry:

  1. Leave them to it

It’s only natural to want to step in and sort your children’s problems out for them, but it could actually be doing more harm than good. Childhood conflict teaches children important life skills such as problem solving, negotiation and self control. By resolving conflict for your children, you rob them of the opportunity to develop these skills. Try to take a back seat and simple observe how your children reach a peace agreement. If you feel you need to get involved, try asking questions rather than giving orders. You may find they are able to work the problem out themselves with your assistance. If violence is involved, however, you must step in and firmly explain that you will not allow them to hurt each other.

  1. Give them space

Just as you may sometimes need a little breather from your partner, your kids may occasionally benefit from some time spent apart to cool down. If the argument doesn’t seem to be coming to an end, try separating your children for a short while. Think of fun and engaging activities for each child that will take their minds of the disagreement.

  1. Avoid blame

Try not to ask who started it, or automatically blame the older child because you think they ‘should know better’. It doesn’t really matter who started it or who said what, what matters is that you can restore peace to your family. Instead of focusing on one child, speak to both children, even if one is a baby. Though the baby may not understand what you’re saying, your older child will understand that they are both being treated equally. Sibling resentment can come from a perceived favoritism, and addressing both children and avoiding blame will help to avoid that.

  1. One on one

As a parent, your free time is already limited. If you’re trying to juggle work, family and social commitments, you may sometimes feel more than a little burnt out. You might struggle to find the hours, but some quality one on one time with you could be all your children need to feel a little less jealous of each other. It doesn’t have to be much, it could be an uninterrupted bedtime stories session, a trip to the park or a fun craft activity to do at home. Tailor the activity to your child and choose something you know will be a hit. It can be hard to find this time, especially if you have a baby at home, but it will be worth it when you see how much your child enjoys the quality time spent with you.

  1. Encourage involvement

Until your youngest child is a toddler striving for independence, you could let your older child make some decisions for them. Babies require a lot of attention, and it’s all too common for older siblings to feel left out. Getting your older child involved can help to prevent sibling rivalry, and encourage your older child to bond with the baby. Let your older child pick out which sleep suit the baby should wear, which toy the baby might like to play with in the car and which story you should read at bedtime.

  1. Avoid comparisons

It’s almost impossible to resist the urge to compare your children. After all, it can be surprising just how different siblings can be. You may compare how often they cried as babies, the age they started walking and, later, their academic achievements. This isn’t nice for your kids to hear, and it sets the example that your children are competing with each other. Avoid comparisons altogether and instead celebrate your children as individuals.

  1. Remember the good times

It’s never nice to be woken by the sound of world war three breaking out in your house. It can be upsetting to see the two people you love most in the world be so heartless towards each other. You may find yourself wondering what you’ve done wrong. Stop. You haven’t done anything wrong, sibling rivalry is an unavoidable part of life. When they’re fighting, it seems like they always fight, but when they’re loving and kind to each other, you think you’re doing a good job. You are doing a good job. Remember those loving moments and take photos as proof that they exist.

Written by Fiona (@Fiona_Peacock), mother, writer and lover of all things baby related.

This information is not intended to replace the advice of a trained medical doctor. Health & Parenting Ltd disclaims any liability for the decisions you make based on this information, which is provided to you on a general information basis only and not as a substitute for personalized medical advice. All contents copyright © Health & Parenting Ltd 2016. All rights reserved.

Encouraging Confidence in Your Baby

When your little one was first born, it was your job to make him or her feel safe and secure in the world around them. That meant responding to their cries and fulfilling their needs.

Now that your baby is almost one, it is still absolutely important to continue fulfilling those needs. But instilling self-confidence becomes about more than just making sure they are fed and rested.

At this stage, you will find that your little one needs more opportunities to explore (and sometimes fall) on his or her own. Building self-confidence is partially about gaining a bit of independence, and while there is only so much independence you can give to a 1 year old, you can step back a bit and allow them to explore without mom or dad hovering just overhead.

Think about it. If your baby hasn’t started walking yet, he or she is probably getting very close. They are maneuvering around furniture, holding your hands to walk from room to room, and experimenting with balance. With each new milestone that is accomplished, they feel a bit more confident in their own abilities. And sometimes, even learning to fall can be a boost that encourages them to keep going.

So step back, but remain close enough by to intercept if they start moving towards the stairs!

Another great way to start building confidence at this age is to begin allowing your child to make some choices. Maybe you want to present two options for pajamas before bed, or you want to offer two different books to read. Let your child be the one to pick when it comes to these smaller decisions that don’t have any kind of long-term impact on their health or your day. Keep the choices limited, though; two options is more than enough for kids of this age.

Of course, let’s not forget that the greatest ingredient to your child’s self-confidence is still you at this point. Be positive and encouraging when talking to your child, and be sure to celebrate their successes with an upbeat and infectious response. Pay attention to the words you use as well. While it may not seem that your child understands nuances just yet, you would be surprised what they can pick up on. So instead of lamenting upon the ways in which your child may seem to be behind (“Suzy hasn’t started talking yet, and Billy down the street is already using three-word sentences,”) focus on what your kiddo has accomplished and how proud you are.

Written by Leah Campbell, infertility advocate, adoptive mama, writer and editor. Find me @sifinalaska on Twitter.

This information is not intended to replace the advice of a trained medical doctor. Health & Parenting Ltd disclaims any liability for the decisions you make based on this information, which is provided to you on a general informational basis only and not as a substitute for personalized medical advice. All contents copyright Health & Parenting Ltd 2016. All rights reserved.