Parenting a High-Needs Baby

My baby can never be put down – he clings to me like Velcro all day long. My baby never sleeps for more than a couple of hours around the clock. My baby doesn’t take changes well – even simple things like leaving the house are a major emotional project. Sound like your baby?

The term “high-needs baby” was coined by renowned pediatrician, William Sears, in The Fussy Baby Book. A ‘high-needs’ baby has a more intense personality – his inborn temperament guides his behavior. Just like an ‘easy’ baby, your baby’s strong needs are an inborn trait, not something you created or caused. But parenting this baby can be challenging.

High-needs babies are fussy babies

Babies who have strong needs tend to make those needs known. They seem hard to console, and may be colicky. The best thing you can do is to learn what your baby’s different cries mean, and how best to soothe them. It will take some trial and error since every baby is different. Motion – holding, rocking, swaying, riding in a car – seems to help many high-needs babies. Babies who exhibit this very strong need for you seem to enjoy being carried in a sling or wrap most of the day. They can be close to mom or dad while mom or dad can still carry on with most of their normal activities.

High-needs babies feed often

Frequent breastfeeding is calming for baby and mom – the time skin-to-skin, the hormones released, the lack of crying because baby is otherwise occupied… Whether breastfeeding or bottle-feeding, suckling is calming for baby. High needs babies rarely have any sort of pattern or schedule to their feeding, so it’s best to feed on baby’s cue.

High-needs babies sleep differently

High-needs babies tend not to be cuddly, but aren’t self-soothers either. And they seem to need very little sleep. They are ‘cat-nappers’ – frequent short periods of sleep. They are sensitive to separation, including being away from you at night. High-needs babies tend to do well when co-sleeping. Be sure you have a safe sleep space for baby near your bed, or, if bed-sharing, you meet all safety criteria. But having baby near you at night may mean more sleep for everyone.

Parents of high-needs babies need support.

A fussy baby can be very difficult emotionally for parents. So if you feel overwhelmed, take a time-out. Put baby in a safe place and get some fresh air for a minute. Or simply count to 10. Call in reinforcements – tag-team parenting works well when dealing with a fussy, high-needs baby.

Find other parents who are going through the same thing. Find an Internet chat room – these are the moms who will be available at 2am when you’re at your wit’s end. Get in touch with parents in your community – it’s likely you’ll find someone else suffering through the same thing. Find a book about fussy babies (such as the one mentioned above) and read about how to cope.

Sometimes when in the midst of parenting these very passionate babies, we can lose sight of the positives and see only the negatives. One way to get past this is to consider how you talk about your baby. What are the words you use? Instead of a needy baby, call her a persistent baby. Instead of a difficult or demanding baby, think of him as your teacher and guide, showing you how to stretch and learn patience.

One of the greatest rewards of parenting a high-needs baby is that the intensity of their need often matches the intensity of their loving expression later on. As they grow, children who were intense babies tend to be empathetic, sensitive, independent and persistent.

Do you have a high-needs baby? What are your tips for survival?

Written by Michelle, childbirth instructor, lactation consultant, and mother to 4 busy kids

This information is not intended to replace the advice of a trained medical doctor. Health & Parenting Ltd disclaims any liability for the decisions you make based on this information, which is provided to you on a general information basis only and not as a substitute for personalized medical advice.  All contents copyright © Health & Parenting Ltd 2016. All rights reserved.

5 Ways to Calm a Fussy Baby

Nothing is more difficult than a fussy baby. I had three very placid, easygoing babies, and then my fourth was a real game-changer. He cried every night for weeks. It was difficult on me AND on the rest of the family.

If you’ve got a fussy baby, you know the challenge. You’ve changed your baby’s diaper, fed her, burped her, and checked that none of her clothing was scratching her; but, she’s still fussy. How can you figure out what could possibly be wrong, and what can you do to make her more comfortable?

Some babies simply have a daily fussy period. And some babies are easier to console than others. If you’ve ruled out illness and other physical causes, there simply may not be a reason other than baby needs extra care and attention.

Women’s wisdom over the ages tells us that these strategies work like a charm – passed from generation to generation as mothering wisdom. How many of us instantly start saying ‘sh-sh-sh-sh’ to a crying baby while gently swaying from side to side? Here are other methods of calming fussiness that you may not have tried:

White noise: the ‘sh-sh-sh-sh’ noise we naturally make to calm a baby mimics the sound of mom’s blood flow, something familiar to baby from in utero. Other ways to create white noise include tuning a radio to static, running the vacuum cleaner, taking a shower. Or set your baby in a seat on the floor next to your clothes dryer. Any soothing wave-like sound is helpful – a fan in the bedroom or even a white noise machine. You can also try the White Noise section in the Baby + App. There are many different White Noise sounds for you to try in the App.

Movement: put your baby in a sling or wrap and go about your day. If you have an infant swing or bouncer chair, give that a try. Motion is calming (think of how your baby moved with you before birth).

Breastfeeding: If you’re a nursing mom, allow your baby to nurse as much as necessary during those fussy times. If your baby isn’t interested in feeding, try a pacifier or your clean knuckle to suck on.

Position changes: Side-lying positions seem to calm a fussy baby, especially when they’re done in arms. Consider this hold: Place your baby on one forearm with legs straddling your wrist and head resting near your elbow. Use your hands to support baby’s body fully, and pull baby in close to you. Light pressure on baby’s tummy is sometimes helpful during fussy times, too. Your hands will be in that position in the hold described above. Or carry your baby much higher up on your shoulder so your bone puts a little pressure on baby’s tummy. Always place your baby on her back for sleep, though.

Hold tight: Imagine your baby before birth, tightly cuddled and warm in your belly. Your baby may be calmer if you re-create this environment. You might use swaddling, or you might decide that carrying your baby in a sling or wrap is easier.

If your baby cries for more than 3 hours each day for 3 days in a week lasting for 3 weeks or more, your baby may have colic. While colic has no known cause or cure, comfort measures are the same as for normal everyday fussiness. Babies may just never fully settle, and parents may just need more of a break. Most babies outgrow colic by 3-4 months.

If you ever find yourself becoming panicked or angry about your baby’s crying, be sure to lay your baby somewhere safe (in a crib, preferably), and give yourself a ‘time out.’ Leave the room, call a friend, or, leave the house altogether (as long as someone else is around to care for baby). A quick walk around the neighborhood may be enough to restore your equilibrium.

Babies fuss for many reasons – after all, crying is how they communicate. Learning what works best for your baby is one of the challenges of parenthood. You are the expert on your baby. If you suspect something is wrong, seek medical care. Otherwise, keep trying until you find what methods work best for your family.

Written by Michelle, childbirth educator, lactation consultant, and mother to 4 busy kids

This information is not intended to replace the advice of a trained medical doctor. Health & Parenting Ltd disclaims any liability for the decisions you make based on this information, which is provided to you on a general information basis only and not as a substitute for personalized medical advice.  All contents copyright © Health & Parenting Ltd 2016. All rights reserved.

Infant Massage for Gassiness

Skin is our largest organ and touch is the most sensitive of our senses. Infant massage is not only a great way to bond with your baby, but is also a way of relieving common discomforts. If your baby is fussy and gassy, or if your baby is constipated, abdominal massage may help.

Infant massage can help to regulate the function of the digestive tract by stimulating the vagus nerve, and can improve elimination of waste and gas (sometimes by simply moving air bubbles through the digestive tract). Other benefits of infant massage include improved sleep and less stress – for baby and parent – which are helpful when dealing with a gassy baby.

Before you begin, make sure you and baby are both comfortable. Have some lotion or oil nearby to make your strokes smoother over baby’s skin. You may want to massage with only a diaper on baby. But, keep baby warm – have a blanket over the parts you’re not massaging.

Once you’re all set, try one or more of these tummy massages:

Tiny circles: using your first two fingers, start to one side of baby’s belly button and press gently while making a small circular motion. Move your fingers to the next area and repeat, working your way around the belly button.

Clock Hands: make hand over hand movements in large circles around baby’s belly. Always work in a clockwise motion (which follows the gastrointestinal tract) and apply light pressure.

‘I love you’: Begin on baby’s left side just under the rib cage, and stroke downward (making the letter I). Move to baby’s right side just under the rib cage and stroke across then downward to the hip (making an upside down L). Finally, start at the right hip, and stroke up – across – down (making an upside down U). I-L-U … I Love You, baby.

Paddlewheel: Place one hand horizontally across baby’s abdomen and stroke downwards with a little bit of pressure from the flat outer edge of your hand. Before you lift the first hand from baby’s body near the groin, start the same downward motion with the opposite hand – from rib cage to groin.

Finger walking: Using your first two fingers, start at baby’s right side and walk your fingers across his abdomen in an arch, applying light pressure. Do this in a few rows, always starting on baby’s right and working across to the left.

Knee press: Once you’ve massaged baby’s abdomen a bit and moved those air bubble around, baby may need some help to pass the gas. You can try simply bicycling baby’s legs, or you can gently bend baby’s knees and hips, pressing them toward the abdomen. Don’t be surprised if he fills his diaper!

Singing to baby or saying nursery rhymes while you’re massaging can be a fun way to bond with your baby and to distract him from his gassiness.

If your baby is fussy along with gassy, but is still having regular bowel movements, his behavior is probably normal. Changes in the color, consistency or frequency of baby’s stools, though, could signal a problem. If your baby’s tummy feels hard and looks distended, or if his stools are hard and pellet-like, you may want to have him seen by a doctor who will let you know the best treatment. If your baby is breastfed and has green, frothy, foul-smelling bowel movements, work with a lactation consultant and your baby’s doctor to determine the cause and to find a solution. And in the meantime, infant massage may make baby more comfortable and you less stressed!

Written by Michelle, Former infant massage instructor, childbirth educator, lactation consultant, and mother to 4 busy kids

This information is not intended to replace the advice of a trained medical doctor. Health & Parenting Ltd disclaims any liability for the decisions you make based on this information, which is provided to you on a general information basis only and not as a substitute for personalized medical advice.  All contents copyright © Health & Parenting Ltd 2016. All rights reserved.