Both your parents and your partner’s folks are probably super excited about becoming grandparents. You want them to be involved, but some well-meaning grandparents may overstep their role, which can lead to problems. Setting boundaries early can prevent disagreements and hurt feelings.

Why Problems Develop

There are several reasons why grandparents may take over. After all, your parents and in-laws have raised kids and probably know a thing or two about how to care for a baby. The problem is sometimes the unsolicited advice becomes too much and gets on your nerves.

Problems can also develop if you want to do things differently than your parents did. For example, grandma may suggest getting your little one on a parent-led schedule, while you may prefer to go with the flow. Other common conflicts that can arise are unannounced visits and grandparents who are overly possessive of your baby.

Setting Boundaries

It’s helpful to understand, setting healthy boundaries is not about hurting someone’s feeling or being unappreciative about their help. Instead, boundaries establish some basic guidelines to help grandparents understand your family’s needs. For instance, setting limits can help you get the rest you need as a new mom. Boundaries can also provide you time to bond as a family and allow you and your partner to learn to care for your baby on your own.

Taking Charge

If you decided it’s time to set some limits with grandparents, it’s helpful to remember; they usually mean well. They love you and your little one and want to help. For instance, it may be instinctual for your mom to offer advice if she sees you struggling with getting your baby to sleep. But just because grandpa and grandma are well-intentioned doesn’t mean, you can’t set limits. However, understanding the motivation behind their meddling may help decrease frustration.

Before you talk to your parents or in-laws, it’s a good idea to talk with your partner and make sure you’re both on the same page. Talk about the issues you’re having and what boundaries you both think need to be established.

Next, talk with grandparents honestly about what you need at this time in your life. Whether you want time alone with your partner and baby or less unsolicited advice, speak up and say what’s on your mind. By explaining your expectations, you increase the chances that grandparents will get on board and respect your wishes.

Lastly, remember to let grandparents know you appreciate them and are glad they are a part of your baby’s life. Sure, there may be a few kinks to work out as you all adjust to your new roles, but by establishing boundaries from the get-go, you’ll set the stage for a smooth transition for everyone.

Written by MaryAnn DePietro @ writerlady34

This information is not intended to replace the advice of a trained medical doctor. Health & Parenting Ltd disclaims any liability for the decisions you make based on this information, which is provided to you on a general information basis only and not as a substitute for personalized medical advice. All contents copyright © Health & Parenting Ltd 2016. All rights reserved.

After years of being deprived sugar and have very strict rules, you might be surprised at how different your parents are now that they’re grandparents. Where you had to be in bed by 7:30pm no matter what, your kids seem to stay up late every time they visit their grandparents. You thought cherry tomatoes were treats until you were five years old, but your parents are doling out candy now that they’re grandparents. While you want to encourage a happy and close bond between your kids and parents, you also probably want to know your ground rules are being respected.

Why do grandparents spoil their grandchildren?

This one is quite simple, they’re not the parents. They don’t have to worry about teeth brushing regimes, screen time or an overload of toys because they’re not the parents. They’ve been there, done that. They were strict with you, but now it’s their turn to enjoy all of the fun bits of young children without having to worry about the consequences. They don’t spend as much time with your kids as you do, so they want to make sure your kids have the best time possible when they’re together. Of course, this doesn’t have to mean e-numbers, over tiredness and lots of new toys, and it’s ok for you to point that out.

Does it really matter if the grandparents are spoiling your kids?

Er, yeah. If the grandparents are filling your children’s tummies with sugars, additives and e-numbers, you’re likely to be the one paying the price at the end of the visit. If your children are returning home from sleepovers at Granny’s house overtired, exhausted and emotional, you’re not likely to have a good day. If it matters to you, then it matters. You’re the parent and you set the rules, and some of those rules should apply to the grandparents too.

How to stop the grandparents spoiling your kids

It’s important to communicate your feelings with the grandparents. After all, they’re a big part of your children’s lives and it’s important they support your parenting ethos. You’ll need to tread carefully, it’s important to get the grandparents on side. If you’re worried about sweet treats, explain the problems with tooth decay and obesity. If you’re worried about sleep, explain how difficult it is for you to get your child back into a routine after a late night or skipped nap. Be kind, understanding and polite. Remember, the grandparents were parents once so they’ll understand.

You might want to let some things slide. All grandparents want to spoil their grandkids, and though it’s not ideal, it’s just a way for them to bond. You can suggest better ways of them spoiling your kids. For example, instead of giving your children cookies, ice-cream and candy, suggest some sugar-free recipes they could bake together. They’ll still get to have fun and you won’t have to worry about tooth decay. If they love spending money on the grandkids, suggest things your children really need or perhaps experiences they could do together.

Are your children spoilt by their grandparents?

Written by Fiona (@Fiona_Peacock), mother, writer and lover of all things baby related.

This information is not intended to replace the advice of a trained medical doctor. Health & Parenting Ltd disclaims any liability for the decisions you make based on this information, which is provided to you on a general information basis only and not as a substitute for personalized medical advice. All contents copyright © Health & Parenting Ltd 2016. All rights reserved.