When helping women with breastfeeding problems, I often hear from moms who say they can’t pump enough. When I ask questions about why they’re pumping, I often hear that they just want to have a bottle with them when they are out and about.

Your baby has a right to eat when he’s hungry no matter where you are. But you may feel unsure about breastfeeding in public – especially if this is your first baby. But breastfeeding wherever you happen to be can be simple and discreet.

Some tips may help increase your comfort level so you can feed your baby at the breast while running errands, sitting at the café, or enjoying time at the park:

• Practice in front of a mirror: Sit down at home and feed your baby in front of a mirror. Notice how little you can see of the process after the initial latch (and even then!).
• Dress the part: Wear two-piece outfits or dress in layers, wear clothes you’re comfortable in, and wear a bra that’s easy to use. If you’re wearing a button front shirt, unbutton from bottom rather than the top. If you’re wearing a cardigan, the sides will likely hide your latching baby. There’s no need to buy specialty clothing – though many options do exist. If you want to have a nursing tank top or t-shirt to layer under you other clothes, you can make a homemade version by cutting slits in the front of an old camisole or t-shirt. If you’re wearing a scarf, you may be able to use it as a convenient cover – while latching or throughout the feeding.
• Wear your baby: If you’re using a sling or a wrap, the material from the carrier will cover your body and will make latching a little easier.
• Use a blanket or a ready-made breastfeeding cover: Sometimes just having something covering you will increase your comfort, though don’t feel obligated to cover yourself. Having a blanket thrown over your cradled baby is sometimes like a neon sign saying ‘Hey! I’m breastfeeding!’ Also, covers may work for newborns, but after a couple of months, your baby may resist being blocked from the world.
• Find a comfortable place: You’re going to be sitting there for as long as it takes your baby to finish, so you likely don’t want to be delicately perched on a low wall. While it doesn’t necessarily need to be someplace secluded, if you’re seeking privacy you might choose a fitting room or your vehicle. But the park bench is fine, too! Just don’t choose the bathroom – would you want to eat in there? Consider using your diaper bag or handbag to pillow your elbow while you’re feeding.
• Follow your baby’s hunger cues: It’s easier to latch a baby when he’s showing early hunger cues. A ravenous, screaming baby calls attention to you, and makes latching more difficult.
• Practice: If you’re especially nervous, get comfortable nursing in front of others at home or at a mother-to-mother breastfeeding support meeting. Ultimately, you could nurse right before you leave the house and, if you get your timing right, you may be home before baby is ready to nurse again.

Most of all radiate confidence! You’re doing the absolute best for your baby. Smile and keep feeding your baby.

Written by Michelle, childbirth instructor, lactation consultant, and mother to 4 busy kids

This information is not intended to replace the advice of a trained medical doctor. Health & Parenting Ltd disclaims any liability for the decisions you make based on this information, which is provided to you on a general information basis only and not as a substitute for personalized medical advice. All contents copyright © Health & Parenting Ltd 2016. All rights reserved.

We all know that babies spit-up. This is a normal fact of life with a little one, and while it can be less than fun (after all, who wants to constantly smell like baby spit-up?) it’s not usually a big reason for concern. Babies spit-up. It happens.

Still, sometimes a baby will spit up more than what might be considered “normal.” Maybe they are spitting up regularly between meals, or perhaps they seem to be spitting up everything they just ate. Mommy usually knows best, and if you think your baby may be having more trouble with spitting up than most, it is fair for you to be concerned.

But is there anything you can do about it? And could your bottle choice be contributing to the problem? Will the wrong bottle make reflux worse?

The answer is, yes and no.

In most cases, babies who are fed at the breast are going to be sucking in less air than those who are bottle fed. So it is possible that a bottle fed baby, even those drinking pumped breast milk, may be experiencing more issues with trapped air in their bellies than a baby who is fed at the breast. And that trapped air can lead to more spit-up in some cases.

Which means that your baby may find some relief if you ditch the bottle altogether.

But does the type of bottle itself matter?

In most cases, no. Yes, there are some bottles that are designed to reduce the amount of air your baby swallows, and those certainly can’t hurt. Having the appropriate nipple size for your baby’s age is also important, because a nipple that allows your baby to drink too quickly may contribute to spitting up.

But the truth is, actual reflux is a medical condition, not something caused by anything you are or are not doing with the bottle. Proper feeding techniques can help to reduce general spit-up, but if you think your baby has full-blown reflux, a visit to the pediatrician is in order.

There are a lot of things that could be causing the reflux, and most of them can be treated fairly simply. For instance, your baby may have food allergies that indicate he or she would do better if you avoided those foods in your own diet while breastfeeding. But regardless of what the reason may be, reflux is a physiological problem—not one caused by how fast your baby is drinking or what type of bottle he or she is drinking from.

So if you have concerns, make a visit with your pediatrician before you go through the house replacing all the bottles.

Written by Leah Campbell, infertility advocate, adoptive mama, writer and editor. Find me @sifinalaska on Twitter.

This information is not intended to replace the advice of a trained medical doctor. Health & Parenting Ltd disclaims any liability for the decisions you make based on this information, which is provided to you on a general information basis only and not as a substitute for personalized medical advice. All contents copyright © Health & Parenting Ltd 2016. All rights reserved.

“If you pick your baby up every time he cries, you’re going to spoil him!”
“He’s just trying to manipulate you!”
“I see he’s already got you trained!”

How many of these have you heard? But science is on your side – you can’t hold your baby too much, and you’re not creating a whiny brat by picking him up. Instead, responsive parenting teaches your baby about trust and compassion.

Research shows that infant crying usually peaks around six weeks of age, and then decreases by half by 12 weeks of age. Did you know that if mom responds within 90 seconds of baby starting to cry, baby calms quickly? If she waits longer to respond, however, prolonged calming is needed. Who doesn’t want less crying? A quick response to a fussy baby makes a happier, less stressful environment for everyone.

Babies cry for all sorts of reasons, and you’ll be amazed by how quickly you learn to tell the ‘I’m hungry’ cry apart from the ‘I’m tired’ one. As your baby grows, you’ll learn all the other cues he uses to communicate with you. When you respond to those attempts at communication, your baby learns to trust you. You’re teaching your baby how to develop a secure attachment to you, the caregiver.

Studies from the 1950s to present day show that babies who are not responded to tend to grow up insecure, unsure, and more fearful. Babies who are responded to consistently and positively grow to be independent children and adults. In fact, as these babies grow, they …

• Have higher self-esteem
• Have improved focus, and fewer behavior problems
• Are better able to regulate their emotions
• Experience less fear and anxiety
• Are more likely show altruistic behaviors, such as, gratitude, appreciation, and caring

One of the most amazing benefits of responsive parenting and secure attachment is to baby’s brain. Babies experience incredible brain growth during the first two years of life when millions of connections are made between neurons. And the more connections, the better the brain functions. Studies show that parents can influence this growth by their interactions with baby. Being sensitive to baby’s cues, responding consistently, and interacting with baby will all add to baby’s intellectual development.

Holding, cuddling, touching and interacting all boost your baby’s nervous system development without being stressful. Oxytocin, the feel-good hormone of love, is released for both baby and caregiver during these interactions. A win-win for both parties!

So you won’t spoil your baby by picking him up all the time, especially in these first few months – in fact, you’ll do just the opposite.

Written by Michelle, childbirth educator, lactation consultant, and mother to 4 busy kids

This information is not intended to replace the advice of a trained medical doctor. Health & Parenting Ltd disclaims any liability for the decisions you make based on this information, which is provided to you on a general information basis only and not as a substitute for personalized medical advice. All contents copyright © Health & Parenting Ltd 2016. All rights reserved.

Maybe you are going out to dinner with your partner, or you’re returning to work soon. Maybe your baby has problems latching, or you need to supplement for health reasons. Whatever the reason, you find yourself unsure how to go about introducing a bottle to your breastfeeding baby.

What kind of bottle?

Anyone who has shopped for baby gear knows the crazy number of choices available for bottle feeding. Which bottle and nipple you use are up to you – and your baby. It sometimes takes trial and error before you find one your breastfed baby likes. On the other hand, some babies aren’t particular.

Try a slow-flow nipple – this will make your baby work a little harder to get the milk, making it more like breastfeeding. And try to match the nipple size and shape to your own anatomy, if possible.

How much milk?

Research shows that from one month to six months, breastfeeding babies’ intake is fairly stable at about 25 to 35 ounces (750-1050 ml) per day. In order to determine how much you need per bottle, take this average and divide it by the number of times your baby eats in 24 hours. If, for example, your baby nurses 10 times each day, that would be about 2.5 to 3.5 ounces (74-104 ml) per feeding. Your baby nurses 8 times per day? You’ll need more per bottle. Your baby nurses 12 times per day? He may take less but expect a bottle more often.

How do I do it?

Make bottle feeding as much like breastfeeding as you can. Follow your baby’s hunger cues rather than offering the bottle at a scheduled time. Cuddle baby, tickle his lips with the teat, and let him draw the nipple into his mouth. Hold the bottle more horizontal so that baby can control the flow a little better, and give him pauses just like he normally does at the breast. You might even consider switching sides halfway through the bottle feeding.

Your baby may be more likely to accept the bottle if someone other than mom provides it. Mom may need to leave the room or even the house!

What if my baby resists?

If your baby resists the bottle:

• Warm or cool the nipple under running water before offering it to baby.
• Try warmed, room temperature or even cold milk. Some babies enjoy milk slushies.
• Try a different nipple.
• Express some of the milk onto the bottle nipple.
• Feed on the go – stand, walk, or move.
• Stay away from his preferred nursing chair.
• Try holding baby facing away from you, or other positions to make bottle feeding less like breastfeeding.
• Hold a blanket or t-shirt that smells like mom when feeding baby.
• Consider using a cup or medicine spoon rather than a bottle – just keep in mind it will be messier and more time consuming.

Be patient. Continue to offer the bottle occasionally and your baby may gradually become accustomed to it. Even if you’re in more of a hurry (with that back-to-work deadline looming perhaps), try not to make it a battle. Eventually your baby will figure it out.

Are you giving your baby both breast and bottle? What tips do you have for other moms?

Written by Michelle, Lamaze instructor, lactation consultant, and mother to 4 busy kids

This information is not intended to replace the advice of a trained medical doctor. Health & Parenting Ltd disclaims any liability for the decisions you make based on this information, which is provided to you on a general information basis only and not as a substitute for personalized medical advice.  All contents copyright © Health & Parenting Ltd 2016. All rights reserved.

Nothing is more difficult than a fussy baby. I had three very placid, easygoing babies, and then my fourth was a real game-changer. He cried every night for weeks. It was difficult on me AND on the rest of the family.

If you’ve got a fussy baby, you know the challenge. You’ve changed your baby’s diaper, fed her, burped her, and checked that none of her clothing was scratching her; but, she’s still fussy. How can you figure out what could possibly be wrong, and what can you do to make her more comfortable?

Some babies simply have a daily fussy period. And some babies are easier to console than others. If you’ve ruled out illness and other physical causes, there simply may not be a reason other than baby needs extra care and attention.

Women’s wisdom over the ages tells us that these strategies work like a charm – passed from generation to generation as mothering wisdom. How many of us instantly start saying ‘sh-sh-sh-sh’ to a crying baby while gently swaying from side to side? Here are other methods of calming fussiness that you may not have tried:

White noise: the ‘sh-sh-sh-sh’ noise we naturally make to calm a baby mimics the sound of mom’s blood flow, something familiar to baby from in utero. Other ways to create white noise include tuning a radio to static, running the vacuum cleaner, taking a shower. Or set your baby in a seat on the floor next to your clothes dryer. Any soothing wave-like sound is helpful – a fan in the bedroom or even a white noise machine. You can also try the White Noise section in the Baby + App. There are many different White Noise sounds for you to try in the App.

Movement: put your baby in a sling or wrap and go about your day. If you have an infant swing or bouncer chair, give that a try. Motion is calming (think of how your baby moved with you before birth).

Breastfeeding: If you’re a nursing mom, allow your baby to nurse as much as necessary during those fussy times. If your baby isn’t interested in feeding, try a pacifier or your clean knuckle to suck on.

Position changes: Side-lying positions seem to calm a fussy baby, especially when they’re done in arms. Consider this hold: Place your baby on one forearm with legs straddling your wrist and head resting near your elbow. Use your hands to support baby’s body fully, and pull baby in close to you. Light pressure on baby’s tummy is sometimes helpful during fussy times, too. Your hands will be in that position in the hold described above. Or carry your baby much higher up on your shoulder so your bone puts a little pressure on baby’s tummy. Always place your baby on her back for sleep, though.

Hold tight: Imagine your baby before birth, tightly cuddled and warm in your belly. Your baby may be calmer if you re-create this environment. You might use swaddling, or you might decide that carrying your baby in a sling or wrap is easier.

If your baby cries for more than 3 hours each day for 3 days in a week lasting for 3 weeks or more, your baby may have colic. While colic has no known cause or cure, comfort measures are the same as for normal everyday fussiness. Babies may just never fully settle, and parents may just need more of a break. Most babies outgrow colic by 3-4 months.

If you ever find yourself becoming panicked or angry about your baby’s crying, be sure to lay your baby somewhere safe (in a crib, preferably), and give yourself a ‘time out.’ Leave the room, call a friend, or, leave the house altogether (as long as someone else is around to care for baby). A quick walk around the neighborhood may be enough to restore your equilibrium.

Babies fuss for many reasons – after all, crying is how they communicate. Learning what works best for your baby is one of the challenges of parenthood. You are the expert on your baby. If you suspect something is wrong, seek medical care. Otherwise, keep trying until you find what methods work best for your family.

Written by Michelle, childbirth educator, lactation consultant, and mother to 4 busy kids

This information is not intended to replace the advice of a trained medical doctor. Health & Parenting Ltd disclaims any liability for the decisions you make based on this information, which is provided to you on a general information basis only and not as a substitute for personalized medical advice.  All contents copyright © Health & Parenting Ltd 2016. All rights reserved.

Skin is our largest organ and touch is the most sensitive of our senses. Infant massage is not only a great way to bond with your baby, but is also a way of relieving common discomforts. If your baby is fussy and gassy, or if your baby is constipated, abdominal massage may help.

Infant massage can help to regulate the function of the digestive tract by stimulating the vagus nerve, and can improve elimination of waste and gas (sometimes by simply moving air bubbles through the digestive tract). Other benefits of infant massage include improved sleep and less stress – for baby and parent – which are helpful when dealing with a gassy baby.

Before you begin, make sure you and baby are both comfortable. Have some lotion or oil nearby to make your strokes smoother over baby’s skin. You may want to massage with only a diaper on baby. But, keep baby warm – have a blanket over the parts you’re not massaging.

Once you’re all set, try one or more of these tummy massages:

Tiny circles: using your first two fingers, start to one side of baby’s belly button and press gently while making a small circular motion. Move your fingers to the next area and repeat, working your way around the belly button.

Clock Hands: make hand over hand movements in large circles around baby’s belly. Always work in a clockwise motion (which follows the gastrointestinal tract) and apply light pressure.

‘I love you’: Begin on baby’s left side just under the rib cage, and stroke downward (making the letter I). Move to baby’s right side just under the rib cage and stroke across then downward to the hip (making an upside down L). Finally, start at the right hip, and stroke up – across – down (making an upside down U). I-L-U … I Love You, baby.

Paddlewheel: Place one hand horizontally across baby’s abdomen and stroke downwards with a little bit of pressure from the flat outer edge of your hand. Before you lift the first hand from baby’s body near the groin, start the same downward motion with the opposite hand – from rib cage to groin.

Finger walking: Using your first two fingers, start at baby’s right side and walk your fingers across his abdomen in an arch, applying light pressure. Do this in a few rows, always starting on baby’s right and working across to the left.

Knee press: Once you’ve massaged baby’s abdomen a bit and moved those air bubble around, baby may need some help to pass the gas. You can try simply bicycling baby’s legs, or you can gently bend baby’s knees and hips, pressing them toward the abdomen. Don’t be surprised if he fills his diaper!

Singing to baby or saying nursery rhymes while you’re massaging can be a fun way to bond with your baby and to distract him from his gassiness.

If your baby is fussy along with gassy, but is still having regular bowel movements, his behavior is probably normal. Changes in the color, consistency or frequency of baby’s stools, though, could signal a problem. If your baby’s tummy feels hard and looks distended, or if his stools are hard and pellet-like, you may want to have him seen by a doctor who will let you know the best treatment. If your baby is breastfed and has green, frothy, foul-smelling bowel movements, work with a lactation consultant and your baby’s doctor to determine the cause and to find a solution. And in the meantime, infant massage may make baby more comfortable and you less stressed!

Written by Michelle, Former infant massage instructor, childbirth educator, lactation consultant, and mother to 4 busy kids

This information is not intended to replace the advice of a trained medical doctor. Health & Parenting Ltd disclaims any liability for the decisions you make based on this information, which is provided to you on a general information basis only and not as a substitute for personalized medical advice.  All contents copyright © Health & Parenting Ltd 2016. All rights reserved.

For whatever reason, you’ve decided to pump your breastmilk and provide this to your baby by bottle. But what can you do to ensure you’re on the right path to provide the most milk for your baby?

1. Choose your pump wisely: When you’re pumping to provide all of your baby’s nutrition, you need something efficient. The most expensive pump on the market may not be the best choice. And not all electric pumps are created equal. So, do your research before buying or renting a pump to be sure it’s the best one for your individual needs.

2. Get to know your pump: Learn not only how to operate all of the pump’s settings, but also how your body reacts to pumping. Do you need to change the settings to take full advantage of your let-downs? Do you need to turn the pump off and massage your breasts? Don’t be afraid to make adjustments to your routine or to reassess the pump’s settings as time goes by.

3. Learn to let down: The biggest problem for many moms is relaxing enough for milk ejection. If you’re multitasking while pumping or impatiently watching the bottles willing them to fill faster, you may negatively impact your let-down. Consider putting on a sweater, making sure the room you’re in is warm enough, or placing a warm compress on your breasts before pumping. Try hands-on techniques like breast massage to maximize the amount you’re able to pump. Think about each of your senses and how you might use them to facilitate pumping (for example, hearing your baby cry or coo may trigger your hormones and your let-down).

4. Know how to maintain your supply: The amount of milk you can get each pumping session (and how often you need to pump to maintain the same output) will vary from woman to woman. Some research suggests that a total of 120 to 140 minutes of pumping each day is typical for exclusively pumping moms to maintain their supplies. How long you can go between pumping sessions, and how long each session should be, is trial and error.

5. If your output decreases, change things up: Experts say adding a few short pumping sessions may be more effective than adding minutes to your current pumping sessions. Check all of your pump parts – they do wear out occasionally. If you’re using a double electric pump, try pumping only one side, switching to a hand pump, or even manually expressing milk. Or change the time of day you pump. Anything to get out of the rut will help.

6. Find support: Common concerns for pumping moms include milk supply issues, plugged ducts, mastitis and sore nipples, to name just a few. Find professionals who are supportive of your feeding choice. And find other exclusively pumping moms – they will be the best source of ideas and encouragement.

While people may wonder why in the world you have chosen this path, others will understand that each woman does the best she can to give her baby a great start in life. Congratulations on giving your baby the many benefits breastmilk has to offer.

Are you pumping milk for your baby? What tips do you have?

Written by Michelle, Lamaze instructor, lactation consultant, and mother to 4 busy kids

This information is not intended to replace the advice of a trained medical doctor. Health & Parenting Ltd disclaims any liability for the decisions you make based on this information, which is provided to you on a general information basis only and not as a substitute for personalized medical advice. All contents copyright © Health & Parenting Ltd 2016. All rights reserved.

Breastmilk production is designed to work in perfect concert with your baby’s needs. If you are feeding your baby ‘on cue,’ or whenever he shows signs of hunger rather than based on a predetermined schedule, your body will make just the right amount of milk to satisfy him.

One of the most common reasons for supplementation and weaning, however, is thinking that you don’t have enough milk. Whether you simply perceive your supply to be low or your body is truly not making enough milk, what can be done?

Galactagogues – substances that are thought to increase milk supply – are often recommended for moms with supply issues. There are different categories of galactagogues – and many choices in each category depending on your individual needs.

Milk-Making Foods

You’ve probably seen recipes for lactation cookies or smoothies that take advantage of the lactogenic properties of particular foods. Lactogenic foods are typically easy to add to your diet, and don’t have many side effects. So they are a good first try to help increase your supply. Consider adding oats, quinoa, hops, brewer’s yeast, almonds, garlic, and sesame seeds to your regular meals. Remember, though, there’s no ‘dose’ for these foods – what works for one mom may not work for another.

Herbs

Fenugreek is the most common herb used for increasing milk supply, and it’s sometimes paired with blessed thistle. But other herbs may be better for your particular situation. Other common herbal galactagogues include marshmallow root, goat’s rue, alfalfa, fennel, raspberry leaf, moringa / malunggay, and shatavari. Do you research and be sure you are taking the right amount to make a difference. Herbs, like medications, do have side effects and precautions, so work with an herbalist or naturopath to be sure you’re using the herbs safely.

Prescription medications

Metoclopramide (Reglan) and domperidone (Motilium) are the two medications most often prescribed for milk supply problems. You’ll need to work closely with your doctor, your baby’s doctor, and a lactation consultant if you are using one of these options. But for some moms, medications make a huge difference in milk production.

How to decide what’s right for you

No galactagogue will work if milk isn’t being removed from the breast often. Milk removal is the key to milk production. When milk isn’t removed often enough, your body sends out chemical signals to slow production. But when the breast is emptied and refilled regularly, production increases. Nursing your baby more often, or adding pumping to your daily routine, may be necessary along with the galactagogues. A visit with a lactation consultant may be warranted – he or she can help you decide if your supply is really low, if your baby is able to transfer milk, and how to go about improving your breastfeeding experience.

Have you purposely added any lactogenic foods to your breastfeeding diet?

Written by Michelle, Lamaze instructor, lactation consultant, and mother to 4 busy kids

This information is not intended to replace the advice of a trained medical doctor. Health & Parenting Ltd disclaims any liability for the decisions you make based on this information, which is provided to you on a general information basis only and not as a substitute for personalized medical advice. All contents copyright © Health & Parenting Ltd 2016. All rights reserved.

There are some aspects of parenting a newborn that seem like they should just come naturally, right? After all, how hard can it be to cuddle a baby to sleep? Or to put those tiny little toes into the tiniest little socks? Or to get a baby who already needs to burp, to burp.

Well… that last one may take a little more effort than you realize.

You see, little ones need a bit of extra help with their burping. They don’t yet have the muscle development to handle that task well all on their own. Sure, a baby who doesn’t get help burping will likely still figure it out — but they are also likely going to be in a good deal of pain as they do. Which isn’t fun for anyone.

So burping your baby is important. And it can even be an adorable bonding time; one more excuse to talk to and hold your newborn.

Like us, babies can get air trapped in their stomachs. The difference is that because of how they eat, sucking on either a bottle or nipple, they are actually more likely to have regular occurrences of that trapped air. And unlike us, they don’t yet know how to deal with that on their own.

Which is where burping your baby comes in.

Babies who are bottle fed generally need to be burped more than babies who are breastfed, simply because the bottle allows for them to swallow more air. But every baby is different, so paying attention to individual cues is important. In the early weeks and months of infancy, your baby may benefit from a break during feedings for burping. This can help them to rid their tummies of that air as feeding is occurring, making them more comfortable and clearing up space for them to continue eating.

Whether you are burping your baby during or after feedings, though, there are a few options for how you hold your baby as you’re burping. You can hold him or her to your chest, so that their chin rests on your shoulder. Or you can hold them sitting on your lap, leaning forward with your hand against their chest and their chin resting in the space between your thumb and forefinger. Either way, having a cloth near their mouth (either on your shoulder or lap) can save you from getting spit-up on—which is advisable! You can also place your baby laying face down on your lap, if he or she seems more comfortable with that.

Once they are positioned, you just need to gently pat and rub their back until they have a few burps.

Again, all babies are different, so if your little one doesn’t seem to need to burp as often, pay attention to that. But if he or she is fussier than normal, give burping your baby a try. You never know what relief getting rid of a little bit of trapped air might bring!

Written by Leah Campbell, infertility advocate, adoptive mama, writer and editor. Find me @sifinalaska on Twitter.

This information is not intended to replace the advice of a trained medical doctor. Health & Parenting Ltd disclaims any liability for the decisions you make based on this information, which is provided to you on a general information basis only and not as a substitute for personalized medical advice. All contents copyright © Health & Parenting Ltd 2015. All rights reserved.

You wait 9 long months. You write a birth plan and attend childbirth classes. You practice relaxation exercises and get your birth partner on board. Then birth happens. Maybe you have a long labor – or even a very short one. Maybe it was more difficult than you imagined, or you felt violated in some way by the healthcare system or providers. Maybe you needed an unplanned cesarean surgery. Maybe baby or you were in need of advanced medical care afterwards.

Whatever the situation, you look down at the baby in your arms and wonder why you feel so bad about your birth experience.

Birth is an amazing, transformative experience. Birth changes you from a woman to a mother. And it profoundly affects how you feel about your own mind and body – was it an empowering experience or was it disabling? Did it leave you feeling like you can conquer the world, or like you want to crawl into a cave to hide? How we perceive our births changes how we feel about ourselves and our babies.

Postpartum hormones may be partially to blame for your weepiness or feelings of sadness or inadequacy in the days after birth. But your lived experience is also in play. Renowned pediatrician, William Sears, writes, “It’s okay to be happy about your healthy baby but sad about your birth. Unresolved birth memories have a way of gnawing at your insides, affecting your sense of who you are.” Dealing with those feelings is an important step in moving forward as a mom.

Emotions are subjective – there’s no right or wrong way to feel about your birth. There’s only the reality of how it feels for you. Once you accept that, you can work to heal. If you’re having trouble getting past your birth experience, try one or more of the following:

Forgive yourself: Labor and birth are unpredictable. While you can plan for what you might do in certain situation, you cannot control every aspect. Don’t blame yourself for things that did not go as planned. Let go of all the “If only I had …” thoughts.

Get the details: Ask your partner, doula or healthcare provider to tell you about your birth with just the facts. Or obtain your medical records. Don’t judge any of the details, just record them as you’re told. Consider what you remember and write that down. Once you have a detailed chronology of how your birth unfolded, you can better explore where your feelings of anger, resentment or inadequacy come from.

Grieve the loss: You may wonder why you would grieve if you’ve got a beautiful baby at home. But the feelings of loss may be the same – you are grieving the loss of the woman you imagined yourself to be. And while that self-image doesn’t define who you are, it can impact how you interact with others, including your baby. Stages of grief include denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. You may go through only some of these stages, or you may experience them all. They are not likely to come in any certain order. Every woman’s grieving experience is different – there are no set rules.

Talk it out: Whether you attend a local support group or find an online forum, you will learn that many women have a less-than-desired birth. Just talking about your birth with others who can empathize helps you to work through your feelings about the experience. Or you might feel more comfortable talking to people you feel closest to: your partner, your own mother, or a close friend. If you cannot get past your feelings of loss or grief, professional counseling may be useful.

Change your story: Start by putting your story down on paper. Write it all out – the good, the bad and the ugly. Don’t censor yourself. Think about how you feel in the retelling, but don’t let that change what you’re writing. Notice what parts make you feel judgmental of yourself, and which parts make you happy, relieved or grateful. Then set it aside for a few days. Now go back and reread. What parts still bother you, and what parts have you forgiven? Think about how you might choose different words to describe your experience, and whether that changes how you feel about the event. Or take the parts about which you still feel negative and brainstorm what you have learned from them.

Tincture of time: As time passes, and as your mothering experience grows and expands with your baby, the details of your birth will lose their rough edges. You may still look back on them with regret, but the sensations won’t necessarily be so visceral. Keep in mind post-traumatic stress disorder may be a consequence of a bad birth experience. Dealing with your feelings – whether on your own or with professional help – is important so that the memories triggered with a future pregnancy or birth don’t lead to complications.

If healing is taking longer than expected or if you think you have symptoms of postpartum depression, consider professional support. (For more information about postpartum mood disorders, visit Postpartum Support International).

Written by Michelle, Lamaze instructor, lactation consultant, and mother to 4 busy kids

This information is not intended to replace the advice of a trained medical doctor. Health & Parenting Ltd disclaims any liability for the decisions you make based on this information, which is provided to you on a general information basis only and not as a substitute for personalized medical advice.  All contents copyright © Health & Parenting Ltd 2016. All rights reserved.

When you imagine life with a new baby, do you picture a softened image with mom sitting in a rocking chair next to a sunlit window covered with gauzy curtains with a sleeping baby in her arms and an angelic smile on her face? While having a new baby is a wonderful life event, the nitty-gritty, day-to-day details are maybe not so glamorous.

Babies change everything. While your pre-baby life may have been organized and routine, your life now is anything but that. It’s 4pm and you’re still in your pajamas and haven’t yet brushed your teeth. You’re hungry but have no idea what you’ll fix for dinner, or if you even have the energy to cook. You want to go to sleep but know baby will wake any minute. Instead of resting, you’ve used this naptime to catch up on returning emails. What now?

You may need to make some adjustments to help you cope. Here’s what you can do to survive the early days with your newborn:

• Sleep when baby sleeps: don’t use naptime to catch up on chores, sleep instead. If you can’t sleep, at least rest. Dim the lights, turn on quiet music, and close your eyes.
• Limit visitors in the early weeks: everyone wants to see a new baby, but playing hostess can be tiring. If you do have guests, stay in your pajamas as a cue that they’re not to stay long. Consider asking friends and family to pitch in with the work you can’t get done – ask them to tidy up the dishes in the sink or put in a load of laundry.
• Eat well and stay hydrated: keep a drink at hand, as well as lots of healthy snacks you can eat with one hand (while holding baby in the other!)
• Get some exercise and fresh air: even if you simply stand on your back porch for 10 minutes, the fresh air will do you good. If you’re up for it, take a short walk around your neighborhood with baby in a sling or stroller. Baby may sleep longer, and it may be easier for you to rest afterwards.
• Be gentle on yourself: let go of rules and expectations about life with baby. You’re just learning – even if you have older children, this baby has a completely new personality you need to learn.
• Remember your relaxation exercises: if you took a childbirth class and learned breathing exercises or other forms of relaxation, practice them now, too.
• Communicate with your partner: don’t let small resentments flourish. Instead talk about anything that’s bothering you.
• Find peer support: find a mom and a baby playgroup, a breastfeeding support group, or just go to the park or library children’s department and make the effort to talk to other moms.
• Get help: whether you need help with housekeeping, baby care, depression, or breastfeeding, find the right support person. Your childbirth educator, lactation consultant, midwife or obstetrician are all good sources of information for what’s available in your community.

Most of all trust yourself and enjoy your baby! You don’t have to get everything ‘right’ – parenting isn’t a test. Pretty soon things will start to settle into a more predictable routine, and those early days and weeks will be a blur you look back on with fondness.

Written by Michelle, childbirth instructor, lactation consultant, and mother to 4 busy kids

This information is not intended to replace the advice of a trained medical doctor. Health & Parenting Ltd disclaims any liability for the decisions you make based on this information, which is provided to you on a general information basis only and not as a substitute for personalized medical advice.  All contents copyright © Health & Parenting Ltd 2016. All rights reserved.

The first few months after birth can be considered a 4^th trimester for you and your baby. As he adjusts to the outside world, your baby still expects many of the same comforts of the womb he had in the 3^rd trimester. Frequent feeding is just one of those. Being held all the time is another.

Parents sometimes find their newborn babies stay calmer and fuss less when swaddled much of the time, since swaddling mimics being held tight in the womb. While being held in the arms of a caregiver is preferred, swaddling can allow you some time with your hands free!

Here are some tips and tricks to make swaddling work for you:

• Use a light blanket for swaddling – dress baby lightly underneath the swaddling blanket, keep the room temperature comfortable, and watch for signs of overheating, such as warm/hot skin, flushed cheeks, heat rashes or rapid breathing.
• Consider baby’s hands – Some babies like to have their hands near their faces when swaddled, rather than having them trapped in the tight blanket. Try both ways to see what works for you.
• Keep hip health in mind – hip dysplasia has been linked to too-tight swaddling. Keep baby’s legs in a “frog” position – with the legs bent and out at the hips – or allow them to be loose so baby can find a naturally comfortable position.
• Keep the blanket from touching baby’s cheek or mouth – this could prompt the rooting reflex which may be counterproductive to calming.
• Always place your baby on his back to sleep, even when he is swaddled.
• Avoid a too-tight blanket – you should be able to get a couple of fingers between the blanket and the baby.
• Avoid a too-loose blanket – the blanket itself can pose a suffocation risk if baby can wriggle free.
• Watch for hunger cues – swaddled babies may sleep longer and deeper, but this may be detrimental to your milk supply and baby’s growth. A swaddled baby may need to be awakened to eat.
• Swaddle selectively – use it as a calming tool, but let baby move his arms and legs when he’s awake and alert.
• Don’t swaddle forever – Once your baby can roll over on his own (typically between 4 and 6 months), it’s best to stop swaddling.  If he’s swaddled he may have difficulties breathing, when he rolls over onto his tummy.

An option to swaddling your baby is to wear your baby in a carrier, such as a sling or wrap. This allows baby to be in a womb-like cocoon while at the same time feeling your movements and your warmth, and hearing your heartbeat and your voice – all of which is calming to a newborn.

Whether you choose swaddling or babywearing, remember that one comforting method won’t work all the time. As you get to know your baby, you’ll learn what works best for him and for you.

Have you been swaddling your baby? What tips do you have for new moms?

Written by Michelle, Lamaze instructor, lactation consultant, and mother to 4 busy kids

This information is not intended to replace the advice of a trained medical doctor. Health & Parenting Ltd disclaims any liability for the decisions you make based on this information, which is provided to you on a general information basis only and not as a substitute for personalized medical advice.  All contents copyright © Health & Parenting Ltd 2016. All rights reserved.