A lot is made of parenting styles nowadays, with books, magazines, and just about everyone on the Internet trying to tell you where you fit in, and usually, why you’re wrong. Because… everyone has an opinion.

But before you can really begin to understand where those opinions come from, you need to have a solid understanding of what the four main parenting styles consist of:

1. Authoritarian Parenting: This parenting style is defined by strict rules and strong punishment. Authoritarian parents often don’t explain why those rules exist, and instead expect “Because I said so,” to be reason enough.
2. Authoritative Parenting: Authoritative parents also create rules for their children to live by, but they are more likely to answer questions about those rules and tend to be more forgiving than punishing. Their disciplinary methods are designed to encourage their children to be the best versions of themselves they can be, rather than to simply win the battle and be seen as “in charge.”
3. Permissive Parenting: This style of parenting often calls for over-indulgence. There is little discipline taking place and expectations of maturity and self-control are low. These parents are very communicative and nurturing, but sometimes come across more as friends than parents.
4. Uninvolved Parenting: These parents are very hands off, often meeting basic needs but otherwise being detached from their children.

There are a lot of psychological theories about these parenting styles and the types of children they create, and many modern parenting philosophies (like Love and Logic and Attachment Parenting) have roots in these initial styles, though it could be argued that many current philosophies call for more of a blend of these theories than a strict adherence to any one.

Which is perhaps the most important thing to keep in mind. Not everyone will parent precisely in line with any one parenting style or philosophy. You might find that as you read more, pieces of various parenting styles and philosophies resonate with you, and so you find yourself creating almost a hybrid philosophy that works for you. That’s okay, and perhaps even ideal! Because trying to fit into a box of parenting styles defined by any book, magazine, or Internet critic would be an exhausting task for any parent to take on.

Instead, learn more about the styles that appeal most to you, and delve into the parenting philosophies that have been borne of those styles. But then? Be willing to pick and choose what feels like a good match for you and your family. Because at the end of the day, as long as you are meeting you child’s needs and engaging as a parent, there is no definitive proof that any of these philosophies is the “right” way to parent for all children and families.

Written by Leah Campbell, infertility advocate, adoptive mama, writer and editor. Find me @sifinalaska on Twitter.

This information is not intended to replace the advice of a trained medical doctor. Health & Parenting Ltd disclaims any liability for the decisions you make based on this information, which is provided to you on a general informational basis only and not as a substitute for personalized medical advice. All contents copyright Health & Parenting Ltd 2016. All rights reserved.

Most couples report an increase in bickering during the first year of their baby’s life. This could be down to sleep deprivation, resentment and having less time (and energy) to focus on the relationship. One thing new parents commonly fight about is parenting styles. It isn’t uncommon for the mom and dad to have completely different parenting styles and, of course, to each think theirs is the ‘right one’. This can lead to arguments, defensiveness and even more resentment. Don’t worry though, it doesn’t have to be that way.

How to tackle a difference of parenting opinion

Instead of letting another argument break out next time you have a difference of opinion, try the following steps to reach a peaceful conclusion:

1. Wait

If your partner has just done or said something you disagree with, now might not be the time to discuss it. Sometimes it’s best to make a note to discuss something later one. Instead of trying to have a chat about it while you’re trying to make dinner, tidy the house and entertain a baby, give yourself time to discuss it properly after baby’s bedtime.

2. Be open minded

In order to have a constructive chat about parenting styles, you both need to be willing to open your minds. Being defensive will prevent real debate, leave people feeling hurt and, most importantly, not get you very far. You need to be able to talk openly and honestly without fear of an argument. Remember, it’s ok to disagree. Just because you are both the parents, doesn’t mean you both share the same experiences, beliefs or ideologies.

3. Be fair

Don’t start by telling your partner everything you felt he did wrong today. Instead, simply talk about the event which bothered you. This isn’t about blame, you’re not perfect either. All parents have bad days and make bad choices, but good parents are able to sit down, analyze these mishaps and come up with a better plan for next time.

4. Prove it

If you read more parenting books, blogs and articles than your partner, it’s time to get your research hat on. Back up the points you’re making, and explain how you feel the situation could have been handled differently. Give examples of things that could have been said differently, or how your child might have felt during the event. Again, it is important to do this without blame. Include examples of how you too have made similar mistakes, and how you rectified them.

5. It’s ok to be different

You and your partner aren’t going to agree on everything all of the time. There may be some things that you simply can’t see eye-to-eye on. When that’s music or tv, it’s not such a big deal, but what about when it’s parenting style? It’s ok for your partner to disagree with you on certain aspects of parenting, and it’s fine for you to parent differently sometimes. Instead, focus on your similarities and find parenting methods you can both agree on.

Do you and your partner parent differently? And if so, has this caused tension in your relationship?

Written by Fiona (@Fiona_Peacock), mother, writer and lover of all things baby related.

This information is not intended to replace the advice of a trained medical doctor. Health & Parenting Ltd disclaims any liability for the decisions you make based on this information, which is provided to you on a general information basis only and not as a substitute for personalized medical advice. All contents copyright © Health & Parenting Ltd 2016. All rights reserved.