You’ve installed the car seat, and assembled the crib, changing table, swing, stroller, and more. You have washed all of the onesies and sleepers, and have stocked up on diapers. Now what? What else can you do to prepare for your baby’s arrival?

Try this exercise:

Draw a circle on a sheet of paper and divide it into 24 slices. Now think about all the ways you spend your time each and every day. Eight hour workday? Shade in eight slices of pie. An hour of commuting to and from work? There’s another slice. A regular eight hours of sleep – shade it in. Showering, doing your hair and make-up, fixing meals, exercising, housekeeping, etc. Consider all the ways you spend your time and record them on your pie chart. Ask your partner to do the same on his own pie chart.

Now imagine life with a baby. How much time will baby care take? If this is your first baby, you may not have any idea. Take infant feeding, for instance. If you’re breastfeeding, expect your newborn to eat 8-12 times each day (maybe more!). If he’s eating 12 times a day, and each feeding takes on average 30 minutes (and that’s the low end of average), you’ll be spending 6 hours a day on feeding. Even if you’re formula feeding, preparing bottles, cleaning them, and actually feeding baby takes time, too. How will your pie chart need to change to accommodate this? What about diaper changing? Expect to change a diaper with every feeding – if you figure 12 per day at 5 minutes per change (once you get good at it), that’s another hour there. Add in clothing changes, comforting, putting baby to sleep, burping, etc. and add that all to your pie. How will baby care fit into your life?

Discuss this exercise with your partner, and work on a system for who will do what and when. If you’re over your allotted 24 hours for the day, something’s got to give. Can your partner take over some duties? Can you forego some daily activities? Think about what will be essential in the beginning – sleep and food (for baby and for you!). Pare down your day to these activities.

Sleep deprivation is the number one hurdle all new parents face. Babies sleep a lot, but they wake a lot, too, and at the most inconvenient times (like at night when you’re trying to sleep). While you may be mentally prepared for this – everyone tells you it’s coming – the reality can be quite challenging. Try to sleep – or at least rest – when baby sleeps. Limit visitors in the early days, and ask those who stop by to give you a hand with a load of laundry or the dishes in the sink. Eat well, drink enough water, and exercise daily – these will help minimize the effects of the lack of sleep. Most of all, keep in mind that all babies wake often, and that it’s a protective mechanism they will grow out of when they are developmentally ready.

Consider the first three months with a new baby your 4^th trimester. Your baby will appreciate a womb-like environment: low lighting, warmth, being near mom, and feeding on demand. By meeting these needs, your baby will have a sense of security. But caring for your baby this way will also help you learn to parent. You’ll learn all of your baby’s subtle cues, his likes and dislikes, and more. You’ll ease into parenting gently. Keep in mind that you will need time to recover, too. So allow the 4^th trimester to be your time to recuperate. Lower your expectations, and let go of the to-do list. Enjoy your baby, and be gentle on yourself as you learn to mother.

Enjoyed this article? There are lots more interesting articles and tools in our new follow-on App Baby+ for iPhone / iPad or Android. Click Baby+ iOS or Baby+ Android to install the App, and prepare for the arrival of your little one(s).

What tips do experienced moms have for those who are having their first baby?

Written by Michelle: lactation consultant, childbirth educator, writer, editor, and mother to 4 busy kids

This information is not intended to replace the advice of a trained medical doctor. Health & Parenting Ltd disclaims any liability for the decisions you make based on this information, which is provided to you on a general information basis only and not as a substitute for personalized medical advice. All contents copyright © Health & Parenting Ltd 2018. All rights reserved.

If you’re currently pregnant, you’re probably experiencing some of the weird and wonderful body changes that pregnancy brings. Increased body hair growth, darkened skin patches and bigger feet, to name just a few. But did you know there are even more changes in store for after the birth? Here are five weird things to expect post pregnancy:

1. Hair loss – yes, sadly it’s time to say goodbye to that beautiful mane of hair you’ve been sporting for the last nine months. As your hormone levels decrease after the birth, your hair will start falling out. This can happen clumps at a time, or you may simply notice a build up in your hairbrush at the end of the week. It may feel like you’re losing too much, but most likely your hair is just returning to its pre-pregnancy state. It should stop falling out by your child’s first birthday.
2. Phantom kicks – these feel just like the kicks and flutters of a baby in the womb, and are likely to have you racing to the pharmacy for a pregnancy test. Fear not though, these are just the phantom kicks some women experience post pregnancy. These could be your uterus contracting and shrinking back to its pre-pregnancy size, or it could simply be that you are now more aware of any movements in your tummy.
3. Incontinence – it’s not uncommon for new mothers to involuntarily wee when sneezing, coughing or laughing. Pregnancy and birth weaken your pelvic floor muscles, and this can leave you less able to control when you wee. Make sure you do your pelvic floor exercises throughout pregnancy and postpartum to look after your pelvic floor muscles.
4. Mummy brain – whether it’s caused by tiredness, hormones or general distraction, the cause of mummy brain is unknown. The fact is, however, that as a new parent, you may find yourself feeling a little fuzzy. Forgetting words, losing where you were mid-story, and forgetting what you were doing, are all common complaints for new mums. You should find the symptoms decrease over time, and you feel more human again a few months after the birth.
5. Bleeding gums – dental problems are a common complaint for new mothers. Breastfeeding takes nutrients including calcium, from your body. To keep your calcium levels up, make sure you are eating a balanced diet, with plenty of leafy greens, and fortified soya or dairy products.

So, those are the weird things to expect post pregnancy, but what unusual changes have you noticed during pregnancy?

Written by Fiona (@Fiona_Peacock), mother, writer and lover of all things baby related.

This information is not intended to replace the advice of a trained medical doctor. Health & Parenting Ltd disclaims any liability for the decisions you make based on this information, which is provided to you on a general information basis only and not as a substitute for personalized medical advice. All contents copyright © Health & Parenting Ltd 2017. All rights reserved.

Many new mums experience the ‘baby blues’ within a few days of giving birth. After the initial oxytocin-induced natural high of meeting your baby for the first time, the baby blues can come as a bit of a shock. One minute you are over the moon, truly and utterly in love, and the next minute you are sobbing over the sink because your partner bought the wrong type of washing up sponge. It may feel a bit like you’re losing your mind; but don’t worry, the baby blues are a common postpartum symptom, and usually nothing to worry about.

What causes the baby blues?
Two to four days after giving birth, your hormone levels rapidly drop, and this is thought to be one of the causes of the baby blues. During this time, there are also chemical changes occurring, and new hormones being released to trigger bonding and milk production. That’s a lot happening at once, so it’s no wonder you’re left feeling a bit drained.

On top of that, you’re exhausted after the birth, and you’ve just been handed this wonderful, perfect little bundle who probably doesn’t sleep for very long. It can be a very scary feeling when you leave the hospital for the first time, and you realise you are in charge of a baby. It’s easy to worry that you’re under-qualified for the job. Add to this breastfeeding problems, birth recovery, the cries of a newborn baby, and the fact you’re too tired to shower.  Anyone would be feeling a bit weepy, even without the hormonal changes.

Symptoms of the baby blues
As many as 80 percent of new mums experience the baby blues. Possible symptoms include:

• weepiness
• anxiety
• irrational worry about your new baby
• irritability
• inability to concentrate
• feeling emotional

The baby blues will disappear by the time your baby is 10 days old. If you are still feeling low after that time, you should speak to your healthcare provider.

Battling the baby blues
The baby blues isn’t an illness, and there’s nothing you can do to ‘cure’ it. All you can do, is try to relax, take things easy, and wait for the blues to pass. The following tips may help you to minimise the impact of the baby blues:

• rest – get as much rest as possible. Easier said than done with a new baby in the house, but feeling overtired can heighten your emotions and leave you feeling worse.
• let it out – if you need to cry, cry. You might feel better after a good long weep. Bottling things up, and refusing to talk, can make your problems seem bigger and scarier than they really are.
• me time – it is so hard to get me time during those first few weeks, but try to give yourself some time to unwind. Run a nice warm bath, and have a soak for an hour or so. Leave the door unlocked though, because chances are the baby will want a feed as soon as you sit down.
• visitors – keep your visitors to a minimum, and don’t be afraid to cancel on people if you’re not feeling up to seeing them. Your mental health and wellbeing are important, so feel free to take some time to hibernate with your new family.
• talk – talk to your partner, your best friend, your mum – whoever you need to talk to to feel better. Let them know how you’re feeling, just talking can leave you feeling so much better.

Written by Fiona (@Fiona_Peacock), mother, writer and lover of all things baby related.

This information is not intended to replace the advice of a trained medical doctor. Health & Parenting Ltd disclaims any liability for the decisions you make based on this information, which is provided to you on a general information basis only and not as a substitute for personalized medical advice. All contents copyright © Health & Parenting Ltd 2016. All rights reserved.

Well, it’s been 38 weeks since your pregnancy ended so you may be wondering why your body hasn’t bounced back yet. And why is it taking so long, when most celebrities seem to have rock hard abs just weeks after giving birth? And, more importantly, when are you meant to find the time to exercise when you’re caring for a nine month old baby who shrieks every time you leave the room? Here are five important things to remember about postpartum weight loss:

1. Everyone is different

There is no ‘one size fits all’ when it comes to postpartum weight loss. Your best friend might have shrunk back down in weeks, but that doesn’t mean the same will (or should) happen for you. Every body is different so you shouldn’t compare yourself to others. Don’t hold your body up to a beauty standard set by celebrities in glossy magazines.

2. A lot of what your grandma says can be discounted

Grandmas are great, but they’re not always up to date on the latest scientific research. One popular old wives’ tale is that it takes nine months for you to get your figure back after having a child. Whilst this may be true for some, it’s certainly not a theory that can be applied to everyone. It is true that it takes a few months for your hips and ribs to move back to where they once were, but that doesn’t guarantee that you’ll get your pre-baby body back then.

3. Weight loss doesn’t need to be your main focus right now…

You probably haven’t slept properly in months, you barely have the time to drink a cup of coffee never mind cook a healthy meal. Your brain is muddled from lack of sleep, you spend most of your waking hours (ie, all the hours) attached to a clingy baby and you can’t imagine finding the energy to go for a run. That’s ok. It’s perfectly acceptable for you to be so immersed in motherhood that you can’t think about weightloss or fitness right now, you must do things in your own time.

4. …But it’s ok if it is

Similarly, you shouldn’t feel guilty if you are starting to focus on getting fit and healthy. Leaving your baby to go for a run doesn’t make you a bad mom. In fact, taking some time to yourself and engaging in a stress-busting exercise could help you to feel like an even better mom. If you’re ready to get fit, then you should absolutely do that.

5. Your body is amazing

It might not look exactly the same as it did before. Your boobs might be bigger or smaller than they once were. Your stomach might still look a little pouchy from the side. You may still have the odd stretch mark snaking across your tummy. But, your body is more amazing now than it has ever been before. Before you became a mom, you probably judged your body solely on its ability to look good. Now you know just how amazing your body can be. It’s hard to dislike something that brought you the person you love most in the world, isn’t it?

Written by Fiona (@Fiona_Peacock), mother, writer and lover of all things baby related.

This information is not intended to replace the advice of a trained medical doctor. Health & Parenting Ltd disclaims any liability for the decisions you make based on this information, which is provided to you on a general information basis only and not as a substitute for personalized medical advice. All contents copyright © Health & Parenting Ltd 2016. All rights reserved.

You wait 9 long months. You write a birth plan and attend childbirth classes. You practice relaxation exercises and get your birth partner on board. Then birth happens. Maybe you have a long labor – or even a very short one. Maybe it was more difficult than you imagined, or you felt violated in some way by the healthcare system or providers. Maybe you needed an unplanned cesarean surgery. Maybe baby or you were in need of advanced medical care afterwards.

Whatever the situation, you look down at the baby in your arms and wonder why you feel so bad about your birth experience.

Birth is an amazing, transformative experience. Birth changes you from a woman to a mother. And it profoundly affects how you feel about your own mind and body – was it an empowering experience or was it disabling? Did it leave you feeling like you can conquer the world, or like you want to crawl into a cave to hide? How we perceive our births changes how we feel about ourselves and our babies.

Postpartum hormones may be partially to blame for your weepiness or feelings of sadness or inadequacy in the days after birth. But your lived experience is also in play. Renowned pediatrician, William Sears, writes, “It’s okay to be happy about your healthy baby but sad about your birth. Unresolved birth memories have a way of gnawing at your insides, affecting your sense of who you are.” Dealing with those feelings is an important step in moving forward as a mom.

Emotions are subjective – there’s no right or wrong way to feel about your birth. There’s only the reality of how it feels for you. Once you accept that, you can work to heal. If you’re having trouble getting past your birth experience, try one or more of the following:

Forgive yourself: Labor and birth are unpredictable. While you can plan for what you might do in certain situation, you cannot control every aspect. Don’t blame yourself for things that did not go as planned. Let go of all the “If only I had …” thoughts.

Get the details: Ask your partner, doula or healthcare provider to tell you about your birth with just the facts. Or obtain your medical records. Don’t judge any of the details, just record them as you’re told. Consider what you remember and write that down. Once you have a detailed chronology of how your birth unfolded, you can better explore where your feelings of anger, resentment or inadequacy come from.

Grieve the loss: You may wonder why you would grieve if you’ve got a beautiful baby at home. But the feelings of loss may be the same – you are grieving the loss of the woman you imagined yourself to be. And while that self-image doesn’t define who you are, it can impact how you interact with others, including your baby. Stages of grief include denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. You may go through only some of these stages, or you may experience them all. They are not likely to come in any certain order. Every woman’s grieving experience is different – there are no set rules.

Talk it out: Whether you attend a local support group or find an online forum, you will learn that many women have a less-than-desired birth. Just talking about your birth with others who can empathize helps you to work through your feelings about the experience. Or you might feel more comfortable talking to people you feel closest to: your partner, your own mother, or a close friend. If you cannot get past your feelings of loss or grief, professional counseling may be useful.

Change your story: Start by putting your story down on paper. Write it all out – the good, the bad and the ugly. Don’t censor yourself. Think about how you feel in the retelling, but don’t let that change what you’re writing. Notice what parts make you feel judgmental of yourself, and which parts make you happy, relieved or grateful. Then set it aside for a few days. Now go back and reread. What parts still bother you, and what parts have you forgiven? Think about how you might choose different words to describe your experience, and whether that changes how you feel about the event. Or take the parts about which you still feel negative and brainstorm what you have learned from them.

Tincture of time: As time passes, and as your mothering experience grows and expands with your baby, the details of your birth will lose their rough edges. You may still look back on them with regret, but the sensations won’t necessarily be so visceral. Keep in mind post-traumatic stress disorder may be a consequence of a bad birth experience. Dealing with your feelings – whether on your own or with professional help – is important so that the memories triggered with a future pregnancy or birth don’t lead to complications.

If healing is taking longer than expected or if you think you have symptoms of postpartum depression, consider professional support. (For more information about postpartum mood disorders, visit Postpartum Support International).

Written by Michelle, Lamaze instructor, lactation consultant, and mother to 4 busy kids

This information is not intended to replace the advice of a trained medical doctor. Health & Parenting Ltd disclaims any liability for the decisions you make based on this information, which is provided to you on a general information basis only and not as a substitute for personalized medical advice.  All contents copyright © Health & Parenting Ltd 2016. All rights reserved.