Two Parents with Two Opinions

You’re pregnant, yay! You and your spouse couldn’t be more excited. But suddenly as the conversations have shifted to child rearing and future plans, you realize that the two of you don’t see things quite the same. For instance, while your husband is already talking about your son becoming a linebacker, you are dreaming of raising a son that is everything but cliché BOY! And while you’re thinking about how the crib is going to fit in your bedroom, your partner says “NO WAY! The baby is sleeping in his room.” Two parents with two opinions about the best way to do things.

The clash of ideas and opinions about child rearing is extremely common among new parents. It starts during pregnancy, and can sometimes overshadow the joy and excitement you feel about having the baby as you wonder (and worry) how you and your spouse are going to be able to agree on anything when it comes to the baby. Is this a sign of things to come?

The reality is that few people have in-depth conversations about how they feel about things such as religion, or allowance, or the family bed, or desserts before dinner BEFORE they have kids. And, the way we were raised is never fully revealed until we start thinking about children of our own. These differences, also referred to as inherent differences, don’t have much room in our lives before we are actually faced with child-rearing. So although you may be surprised at how much you and your partner disagree, you shouldn’t be alarmed. Most couples have vastly different ideals about parenthood in the months prior to the baby being born.

It is also important to realize that everything you think you know about raising a child, and everything you think you will do when you have your own kids – means nothing until you actually have the baby. No matter how much you swore you would never do this or that, the actual baby has a way of changing all that. For instance, even though you and your partner may be butting heads about the best way to wean a baby NOW while you’re pregnant, the reality is that you don’t really know which bridge you will cross until you get there. So settle down just a little: You and your partner are not doomed, or headed for trouble because you seem to be disagreeing on a few things.

Two parents, with two opinions is natural. And, having differing opinions about things enables us to see there is more than one way to do things. Just because you are the MOM and he is the DAD doesn’t mean that one of you is better equipped or smarter when it comes to child rearing. When the conversations arise where the two of you disagree, the best thing to do is simply allow yourselves to get there when you get there. After all, you needn’t be arguing about the perfect age for your daughter to date, when your daughter hasn’t even been born yet.

Time has a way of changing things and you will realize that most things work themselves out in time. Cherish your pregnancy, and if you really want to have fun – write down all the things you swore you would and wouldn’t do, so when your child is a teenager you can look back and realize just how wrong you were. About everything. 🙂

Written By Stef, Mom of 4 @Momspirational

This information is not intended to replace the advice of a trained medical doctor. Health & Parenting Ltd disclaims any liability for the decisions you make based on this information, which is provided to you on a general information basis only and not as a substitute for personalized medical advice. All contents copyright © Health & Parenting Ltd 2018. All rights reserved.

Will Pregnancy Help Your Marriage?

You often hear about couples who are having problems, and then find out that they are suddenly pregnant. ‘Wow,’ you think – they sure settled their problems quickly. Or did they? Recently, the Wendy Williams Show did an episode interviewing women who admitted that they had ‘tricked’ their significant others, hoping that having a baby together would solidify and improve their relationship. Most of the women on the panel agreed that the baby did not help the relationship, and in actuality, made things much, much harder.

So will pregnancy help your marriage?

This is not something that women talk about openly. If you want a baby and your spouse doesn’t, or you are having relationship issues and feel that a baby might stick you and your partner together like Velcro, you aren’t apt to tell your friends your plans. But, we all know it happens.

The reality is that having a baby does bind two people together for the rest of their lives. But if the relationship is rocky, unhappy, or unhealthy going in – the baby is not going to act as a fix-all. In fact it may only complicate issues.

Consider just how expensive, and how time consuming having a baby is. Then multiply that times 10. Your entire life will likely change in many ways. The added responsibilities and pressures of raising children can often become a point of discontent among happy parents. Having a baby, and raising a child with someone certainly exposes many things about the other person that you may have never known otherwise. And it can take a lot to work through the new parenting woes, to find a happy medium and to agree on what is best for the baby.

Suffice it to say that a baby will not make your relationship easier. And, if you and your partner are already encountering some serious issues, tying yourself to this person on purpose, for the remainder of your life, can set you up for a life long battle of the wills and wits.

Plus, having a baby – in a perfect world – should be a mutual decision. It isn’t fair for a man or for a woman to ‘trick’ their partner into having a baby – or purposely make a ‘mistake’ during sex in the hopes that a pregnancy will result. This can set up deep resentment that will not just hurt you, your partner, your relationship – but ultimately, your child to be, too.

Written By Stef, Mom of 4 @Momspirational