20 Reasons Why Pregnancy Hormones Are Evil

1. They’re the reason why you feel like you’re living Mean Girls, thanks to the outbreak of acne on your face.

2. You have taken to wearing a permanent eye patch in the hope of reducing the pain caused by the constant pregnancy hormone-induced headaches.

3. They made you throw up mashed potatoes. Enough said.

4. They leave you retching from the suddenly-repulsive smell of laundry detergent each time you take a fresh load out of the machine.

5. The mood swings they cause leave you feeling like a teenager again. It takes every ounce of energy you have in your body (not much, thanks for that, hormones) to stop yourself slamming the door and screaming, “I wish I’d never been born!”

6. After years spent building a reputation as an intelligent, competent and brilliant business woman, the pregnancy hormones made you fall asleep in a meeting.

7. They made you leave your keys in the door, put your glasses in the fridge, and forget the word ‘rectangle’. Stupid pregnancy brain.

8. They put you on a 10 week long diet of plain crackers and ginger ale.

9. They forced you to experience pain like no other – breast tenderness.

10. They gave you a serious case of the One Track Minds.

11. They gave you impossible-to-ignore chocolate chip ice-cream cravings, when you should really be eating healthily.

12. They gave you sideburns. Actual sideburns.

13. They’re the reason you’re out in the cold, wearing nothing but a vest top, sweating like a pig.

14. They keep giving you really, really weird dreams. That you cannot forget.

15. At a time in your life when you want to be thought of as beautiful and womanly, they make you snore. Really loudly. All night long.

16. They have ruined what should be a nine month holiday from sanitary products, by giving you a crazy amount of vaginal discharge.

17. They can be held, at least, partially responsible for the painful hemorrhoid you battle with each time you visit the toilet.

18. You know that unbearable aching in your lower abdomen? The pain that simply will not go, and feels worse whenever you stand up or move position? Yep, they are to blame for that too.

19. They made your gums bleed.

20. They hired a top-of-their-industry marketing firm to come up with the name ‘morning sickness’, but really made you sick all day. For months on end.

And, for the sake of impartiality, one reason why they’re not:

1. They’re helping you to grow a baby.

Written by Fiona, proud owner of a toddler, @fiona_peacock

This information is not intended to replace the advice of a trained medical doctor. Health & Parenting Ltd disclaims any liability for the decisions you make based on this information, which is provided to you on a general information basis only and not as a substitute for personalized medical advice. All contents copyright © Health & Parenting Ltd 2018. All rights reserved.