Two Parents with Two Opinions

You’re pregnant, yay!  You and your spouse couldn’t be more excited. But suddenly as the conversations have shifted to child rearing and future plans, you realize that the two of you don’t see things quite the same. For instance, while your husband is already talking about your son becoming a linebacker, you are dreaming of raising a son that is everything but cliché BOY! And while you’re thinking about how the crib is going to fit in your bedroom, your partner says “NO WAY! The baby is sleeping in his room.” Two parents with two opinions about the best way to do things.

The clash of ideas and opinions about child rearing is extremely common among new parents. It starts during pregnancy, and can sometimes overshadow the joy and excitement you feel about having the baby as you wonder (and worry) how you and your spouse are going to be able to agree on anything when it comes to the baby. Is this a sign of things to come?

The reality is that few people have in-depth conversations about how they feel about things such as religion, or allowance, or the family bed, or desserts before dinner BEFORE they have kids. And, the way we were raised is never fully revealed until we start thinking about children of our own. These differences, also referred to as inherent differences, don’t have much room in our lives before we are actually faced with child-rearing. So although you may be surprised at how much you and your partner disagree, you shouldn’t be alarmed. Most couples have vastly different ideals about parenthood in the months prior to the baby being born.

It is also important to realize that everything you think you know about raising a child, and everything you think you will do when you have your own kids – means nothing until you actually have the baby. No matter how much you swore you would never do this or that, the actual baby has a way of changing all that. For instance, even though you and your partner may be butting heads about the best way to wean a baby NOW while you’re pregnant, the reality is that you don’t really know which bridge you will cross until you get there. So settle down just a little: You and your partner are not doomed, or headed for trouble because you seem to be disagreeing on a few things.

Two parents, with two opinions is natural. And, having differing opinions about things enables us to see there is more than one way to do things. Just because you are the MOM and he is the DAD doesn’t mean that one of you is better equipped or smarter when it comes to child rearing. When the conversations arise where the two of you disagree, the best thing to do is simply allow yourselves to get there when you get there. After all, you needn’t be arguing about the perfect age for your daughter to date, when your daughter hasn’t even been born yet.

Time has a way of changing things and you will realize that most things work themselves out in time. Cherish your pregnancy, and if you really want to have fun – write down all the things you swore you would and wouldn’t do, so when your child is a teenager you can look back and realize just how wrong you were. About everything. 🙂

Written By Stef, Mom of 4 @Momspirational

This information is not intended to replace the advice of a trained medical doctor. Health & Parenting Ltd disclaims any liability for the decisions you make based on this information, which is provided to you on a general information basis only and not as a substitute for personalized medical advice. All contents copyright © Health & Parenting Ltd 2018. All rights reserved.

5 Ways Your Relationship Changes After Having a Baby

Everyone knows that babies are life changing, but did you know that having one will also change your relationship? When you were pregnant, your parent friends probably kept advising you to ‘date’ your partner, take a vacation and simply enjoy your freedom as a couple before the baby arrived. You most likely ignored this advice and instead spent nine months eating ice-cream snuggled up on the sofa like countless women before you.

Now that you’re a parent, however, you can probably understand what those friends were trying to tell you. Without scaring you, they were simply trying to let you know that your relationship would never be the same again. Life as parents is totally different to life as a couple or life as newlyweds. Here are just five of the ways your relationship changes after having a baby:

  1. The neverending sleep debate

You will spend approximately the next five years of your relationship enjoying a healthy debate into who is the most tired. You think it’s you, your partner thinks it’s him. This argument won’t stop until your child (children, if you choose to have more, thus elongating the length of the debate) sleeps well. This will take years, sorry, but it will. Until then, you’ll spend about 80% of your waking moments as a couple arguing over who is the most tired. It’s you, obviously.

  1. The new date night

In your pre-parent days, date night probably meant getting dressed up in your finery, eating at an expensive restaurant and drinking too many cocktails before spending the night in a fancy hotel. These days you’re lucky if you can make it through the takeaway without having to breastfeed, finish an episode on Netflix before having to run up and check on the baby, or manage one cocktail before collapsing from sheer exhaustion.

  1. Priorities

Your partner won’t be top of your list anymore, and you should expect to find you’re plummeted down a place too. Once you became a parent, your child will always be the most important thing in your life. The good news is, being a close second isn’t bad at all. You love each other just as much as you did before, there’s just another special person you each love even more these days, and that’s not a bad thing.

  1. The sex

Sex is different now. Not because you’ve had a baby, but because you’re both exhausted, because you feel ‘touched out’ at the end of the day and because you want nothing more than to be alone, just for a little bit. You might not be having sex as often, or as well, as you once did. It might feel a little forced at times, perhaps a little rushed. Don’t worry too much, your sex life should get back on track as your baby starts to need you a little less.

  1. The turn-ons

Don’t worry, you will still find your partner attractive. Only these days, it will be different things that make you swoon. Nothing will make you want to jump your partner more than waking up to discover you’ve had an unexpected lie in because he’s taking care of the baby downstairs so you can catch up on your beauty sleep. The sight of him lulling your baby to sleep by rocking him in his arms will stretch your heart to a size you didn’t even know possible. Now that you’re a parent, it’s the sight of your partner being a good dad that will leave you feeling pretty damn lucky to be a part of his life.

How has your relationship changed since having a baby?

Written by Fiona (@Fiona_Peacock), mother, writer and lover of all things baby related.

This information is not intended to replace the advice of a trained medical doctor. Health & Parenting Ltd disclaims any liability for the decisions you make based on this information, which is provided to you on a general information basis only and not as a substitute for personalized medical advice. All contents copyright © Health & Parenting Ltd 2016. All rights reserved.