Sex after birth is different for everyone. Whilst some women may be having sex again within weeks of the birth, for others, it can take a lot longer to feel ready for sexual intimacy again. If you haven’t had sex since the birth, it’s likely to be an issue on your mind. You may be worried that your partner is getting frustrated or that he’s simply not attracted to you now that you’re a mom. Or perhaps you’re worried that sex will hurt and are happy to put it off a while longer. However you’re feeling, here are five things to remember if you haven’t had sex since the birth:

1. You’re not alone

Don’t worry, you haven’t broken the world record for longest time without sex. There are plenty of other couples going through exactly what you’re going through right now. If your mom friends are all sharing the details on their bedroom passions, you can be forgiven for feeling like the only person in the world who’s not doing it every night. But you’re not, there are other couples who understand what you’re going through because they’re in the same place.

2. Everyone is different

Just because your best friend was having sex (and loving it) within weeks of the birth, it doesn’t mean you need to force yourself to get physical. You will know when you’re ready and until then, there’s nothing wrong with waiting a little longer if that’s what you want to do. Don’t compare yourself to your friends, you’re all individuals with unique circumstances.

3. You’ve been through a lot

Even the loveliest most natural births put a strain on the woman’s body. After nine months of stretching and changing, your body may not even feel like your own some days. On top of that, birth may have caused physical injury to your body, leaving you feeling worried about potential discomfort during sex. All of that alone is enough of a reason why you may not be feeling in the mood right now. Add to that the fact you haven’t had a decent night’s sleep for almost a year and it’s no wonder you have no energy left by bedtime. Many new moms feel touched out by the end of the day, after a day of cuddling, breastfeeding and general clinginess, the last thing you want at night is to be touched. This is totally understandable and will pass with time.

4. Communication is key

Communication is the most important aspect of any relationship. If you’re worried about how long it’s been since you had sex, air these views to your partner. Explain why you haven’t felt like it and see what he has to say about it all. It’s unlikely he hasn’t noticed how long it’s been. Talking openly about it could clear the air and leave you both feeling much better. You can reassure your partner that you still find him attractive and love him, but you just don’t feel up for sex right now.

5. It doesn’t have to be sexual

Intimacy doesn’t have to be sexual. If the idea of sex is a turn off right now, why not try making the effort to be intimate with your partner instead? Hold his hand when you walk to the park, give him a kiss before he heads off for work and snuggle up on the sofa together at the end of the day. You don’t have to have sex to be loving, you can let your partner know exactly what he means to you without sex.

Written by Fiona (@Fiona_Peacock), mother, writer and lover of all things baby related.

This information is not intended to replace the advice of a trained medical doctor. Health & Parenting Ltd disclaims any liability for the decisions you make based on this information, which is provided to you on a general information basis only and not as a substitute for personalized medical advice. All contents copyright © Health & Parenting Ltd 2016. All rights reserved.

It may not be surprising, but many new moms find they have a decreased libido. Could it be that being surrounded by poop, vomit and urine all day maybe isn’t the best lead up to a successful night of passion? A decreased sex drive isn’t unusual after birth, for some women sex is the last thing on their mind after a long day of parenting.

Why don’t I want sex?

There are plenty of reasons why you might not be feeling in the mood for love these days. First and foremost, there’s that bone aching tiredness you’re experiencing. When you finally collapse into bed at night, you probably don’t have much energy left for anything other than falling asleep.

Caring for a baby can be pretty full on. Babies like to be held, they need cuddling, feeding and changing all day long. By the end of the day, it’s not surprising that many moms feel ‘touched out’. Once that baby is sound asleep in bed, some moms just want to not be touched for a while. Not exactly conducive with sexy time.

You may also be worried that sex won’t feel quite the same after having a baby. Hormonal changes associated with breastfeeding can leave you less interested in sex. If you’re breastfeeding, the decreased estrogen levels mean you may also notice some vaginal dryness that could mean sex is less enjoyable than usual. You may even be feeling a little self-conscious about your postpartum body. It may take a while before you truly feel like yourself again.

What to do instead

Sex isn’t the be all and end all, there are plenty of ways you can nurture your relationship without having sex. Intimacy is just as important, and that’s something you can invest time in while you’re waiting for your libido to increase again. Make sure that you still have time for each other physically. Hold hands, cuddle, kiss and snuggle up together on the sofa. Intimacy doesn’t always have to lead to sex, you can just enjoy the closeness for what it is.

Most women find their libido increases as time passes, so try not to waste time worrying that this is it forever. Be open and honest with your partner, and don’t be afraid to communicate how you are feeling. Without this open communication, your partner is likely to assume you don’t want to have sex with him. Let him know how much you love and appreciate him, but don’t be afraid to tell him you’re not in the mood. Explain that it’s a temporary dry spell and that it’s nothing to do with the strength of your feelings for him.

If you are worried about your decreased libido, speak to your healthcare provider for advice.

Have you noticed a decrease in libido after the birth of your child?

Written by Fiona (@Fiona_Peacock), mother, writer and lover of all things baby related.

This information is not intended to replace the advice of a trained medical doctor. Health & Parenting Ltd disclaims any liability for the decisions you make based on this information, which is provided to you on a general information basis only and not as a substitute for personalized medical advice. All contents copyright © Health & Parenting Ltd 2016. All rights reserved.

Between changing hormone, sleep deprivation and caring for a newborn, sex may not top your priority list right now. But don’t worry. At some point, you’ll probably feel a spark and want to get intimate with your partner again.

Take Your Time

Some women, feel great soon after they have their baby. But for others, it takes a little while to feel back to normal. Whether you had a vaginal delivery or a C-section, your healthcare provider will likely recommend you wait four to six weeks to have sex. Doctors usually recommend that women avoid sex in the first six weeks postpartum, both to promote healing and to reduce the risk of infection.

Even if you’re feeling frisky sooner, there are a few good reasons to hold off on lovemaking. For example, your cervix goes through changes during childbirth and needs time to heal. Plus, while you are healing, your uterus is more susceptible to infection. Sex can also interfere with proper healing if you had a tear or episiotomy.

But even after you are given the green light, you might not feel very sexy. It’s important to set your own timeline for postpartum sex. If you don’t quite have that loving feeling as soon as you hit six weeks postpartum, talk to your partner and explain how you feel. Communication is key to preventing hurt feelings.

Finding Your Groove

Instead of putting pressure on yourself to have sex, start by spending some alone time with your partner. Don’t put expectations on what will happen. Just try to relax and enjoy your partner’s company. Talk, give each other a massage or have a glass of wine. If you give sex a try and need to scrub the mission due to discomfort, try again another time. It may take a little while, but you’ll find your groove!

Keep in mind, hormones can lead to vaginal dryness, especially if you are breastfeeding. Take it slow and consider using a water-based lubricant to ease discomfort. It’s also essential to be open with your partner and tell him if something is uncomfortable.

Think Contraception

Don’t get fooled into thinking you are not fertile just because you are breastfeeding or have not had a period since you delivered. It is possible to ovulate even as early as four weeks after you deliver.

Depending on what type of birth control you used prior to pregnancy, you may be able to continue to use that method. But there are a few things to be aware of. If you used a diaphragm, you need to be refitted again about six weeks after you deliver.

Certain types of birth control pills, such as those containing estrogen only, may interfere with milk production and breastfeeding. Your best bet is to discuss your contraception options with your doctor.

Written by Mary Ann DePietro @writerlady34

This information is not intended to replace the advice of a trained medical doctor. Health & Parenting Ltd disclaims any liability for the decisions you make based on this information, which is provided to you on a general information basis only and not as a substitute for personalized medical advice. All contents copyright © Health & Parenting Ltd 2016. All rights reserved.