Sex after birth is different for everyone. Whilst some women may be having sex again within weeks of the birth, for others, it can take a lot longer to feel ready for sexual intimacy again. If you haven’t had sex since the birth, it’s likely to be an issue on your mind. You may be worried that your partner is getting frustrated or that he’s simply not attracted to you now that you’re a mom. Or perhaps you’re worried that sex will hurt and are happy to put it off a while longer. However you’re feeling, here are five things to remember if you haven’t had sex since the birth:

1. You’re not alone

Don’t worry, you haven’t broken the world record for longest time without sex. There are plenty of other couples going through exactly what you’re going through right now. If your mom friends are all sharing the details on their bedroom passions, you can be forgiven for feeling like the only person in the world who’s not doing it every night. But you’re not, there are other couples who understand what you’re going through because they’re in the same place.

2. Everyone is different

Just because your best friend was having sex (and loving it) within weeks of the birth, it doesn’t mean you need to force yourself to get physical. You will know when you’re ready and until then, there’s nothing wrong with waiting a little longer if that’s what you want to do. Don’t compare yourself to your friends, you’re all individuals with unique circumstances.

3. You’ve been through a lot

Even the loveliest most natural births put a strain on the woman’s body. After nine months of stretching and changing, your body may not even feel like your own some days. On top of that, birth may have caused physical injury to your body, leaving you feeling worried about potential discomfort during sex. All of that alone is enough of a reason why you may not be feeling in the mood right now. Add to that the fact you haven’t had a decent night’s sleep for almost a year and it’s no wonder you have no energy left by bedtime. Many new moms feel touched out by the end of the day, after a day of cuddling, breastfeeding and general clinginess, the last thing you want at night is to be touched. This is totally understandable and will pass with time.

4. Communication is key

Communication is the most important aspect of any relationship. If you’re worried about how long it’s been since you had sex, air these views to your partner. Explain why you haven’t felt like it and see what he has to say about it all. It’s unlikely he hasn’t noticed how long it’s been. Talking openly about it could clear the air and leave you both feeling much better. You can reassure your partner that you still find him attractive and love him, but you just don’t feel up for sex right now.

5. It doesn’t have to be sexual

Intimacy doesn’t have to be sexual. If the idea of sex is a turn off right now, why not try making the effort to be intimate with your partner instead? Hold his hand when you walk to the park, give him a kiss before he heads off for work and snuggle up on the sofa together at the end of the day. You don’t have to have sex to be loving, you can let your partner know exactly what he means to you without sex.

Written by Fiona (@Fiona_Peacock), mother, writer and lover of all things baby related.

This information is not intended to replace the advice of a trained medical doctor. Health & Parenting Ltd disclaims any liability for the decisions you make based on this information, which is provided to you on a general information basis only and not as a substitute for personalized medical advice. All contents copyright © Health & Parenting Ltd 2016. All rights reserved.

Everyone knows that babies are life changing, but did you know that having one will also change your relationship? When you were pregnant, your parent friends probably kept advising you to ‘date’ your partner, take a vacation and simply enjoy your freedom as a couple before the baby arrived. You most likely ignored this advice and instead spent nine months eating ice-cream snuggled up on the sofa like countless women before you.

Now that you’re a parent, however, you can probably understand what those friends were trying to tell you. Without scaring you, they were simply trying to let you know that your relationship would never be the same again. Life as parents is totally different to life as a couple or life as newlyweds. Here are just five of the ways your relationship changes after having a baby:

1. The neverending sleep debate

You will spend approximately the next five years of your relationship enjoying a healthy debate into who is the most tired. You think it’s you, your partner thinks it’s him. This argument won’t stop until your child (children, if you choose to have more, thus elongating the length of the debate) sleeps well. This will take years, sorry, but it will. Until then, you’ll spend about 80% of your waking moments as a couple arguing over who is the most tired. It’s you, obviously.

2. The new date night

In your pre-parent days, date night probably meant getting dressed up in your finery, eating at an expensive restaurant and drinking too many cocktails before spending the night in a fancy hotel. These days you’re lucky if you can make it through the takeaway without having to breastfeed, finish an episode on Netflix before having to run up and check on the baby, or manage one cocktail before collapsing from sheer exhaustion.

3. Priorities

Your partner won’t be top of your list anymore, and you should expect to find you’re plummeted down a place too. Once you became a parent, your child will always be the most important thing in your life. The good news is, being a close second isn’t bad at all. You love each other just as much as you did before, there’s just another special person you each love even more these days, and that’s not a bad thing.

4. The sex

Sex is different now. Not because you’ve had a baby, but because you’re both exhausted, because you feel ‘touched out’ at the end of the day and because you want nothing more than to be alone, just for a little bit. You might not be having sex as often, or as well, as you once did. It might feel a little forced at times, perhaps a little rushed. Don’t worry too much, your sex life should get back on track as your baby starts to need you a little less.

5. The turn-ons

Don’t worry, you will still find your partner attractive. Only these days, it will be different things that make you swoon. Nothing will make you want to jump your partner more than waking up to discover you’ve had an unexpected lie in because he’s taking care of the baby downstairs so you can catch up on your beauty sleep. The sight of him lulling your baby to sleep by rocking him in his arms will stretch your heart to a size you didn’t even know possible. Now that you’re a parent, it’s the sight of your partner being a good dad that will leave you feeling pretty damn lucky to be a part of his life.

How has your relationship changed since having a baby?

Written by Fiona (@Fiona_Peacock), mother, writer and lover of all things baby related.

This information is not intended to replace the advice of a trained medical doctor. Health & Parenting Ltd disclaims any liability for the decisions you make based on this information, which is provided to you on a general information basis only and not as a substitute for personalized medical advice. All contents copyright © Health & Parenting Ltd 2016. All rights reserved.