Help! I Haven’t had Sex Since the Birth

Sex after birth is different for everyone. Whilst some women may be having sex again within weeks of the birth, for others, it can take a lot longer to feel ready for sexual intimacy again. If you haven’t had sex since the birth, it’s likely to be an issue on your mind. You may be worried that your partner is getting frustrated or that he’s simply not attracted to you now that you’re a mom. Or perhaps you’re worried that sex will hurt and are happy to put it off a while longer. However you’re feeling, here are five things to remember if you haven’t had sex since the birth:

  1. You’re not alone

Don’t worry, you haven’t broken the world record for longest time without sex. There are plenty of other couples going through exactly what you’re going through right now. If your mom friends are all sharing the details on their bedroom passions, you can be forgiven for feeling like the only person in the world who’s not doing it every night. But you’re not, there are other couples who understand what you’re going through because they’re in the same place.

  1. Everyone is different

Just because your best friend was having sex (and loving it) within weeks of the birth, it doesn’t mean you need to force yourself to get physical. You will know when you’re ready and until then, there’s nothing wrong with waiting a little longer if that’s what you want to do. Don’t compare yourself to your friends, you’re all individuals with unique circumstances.

  1. You’ve been through a lot

Even the loveliest most natural births put a strain on the woman’s body. After nine months of stretching and changing, your body may not even feel like your own some days. On top of that, birth may have caused physical injury to your body, leaving you feeling worried about potential discomfort during sex. All of that alone is enough of a reason why you may not be feeling in the mood right now. Add to that the fact you haven’t had a decent night’s sleep for almost a year and it’s no wonder you have no energy left by bedtime. Many new moms feel touched out by the end of the day, after a day of cuddling, breastfeeding and general clinginess, the last thing you want at night is to be touched. This is totally understandable and will pass with time.

  1. Communication is key

Communication is the most important aspect of any relationship. If you’re worried about how long it’s been since you had sex, air these views to your partner. Explain why you haven’t felt like it and see what he has to say about it all. It’s unlikely he hasn’t noticed how long it’s been. Talking openly about it could clear the air and leave you both feeling much better. You can reassure your partner that you still find him attractive and love him, but you just don’t feel up for sex right now.

  1. It doesn’t have to be sexual

Intimacy doesn’t have to be sexual. If the idea of sex is a turn off right now, why not try making the effort to be intimate with your partner instead? Hold his hand when you walk to the park, give him a kiss before he heads off for work and snuggle up on the sofa together at the end of the day. You don’t have to have sex to be loving, you can let your partner know exactly what he means to you without sex.

Written by Fiona (@Fiona_Peacock), mother, writer and lover of all things baby related.

This information is not intended to replace the advice of a trained medical doctor. Health & Parenting Ltd disclaims any liability for the decisions you make based on this information, which is provided to you on a general information basis only and not as a substitute for personalized medical advice. All contents copyright © Health & Parenting Ltd 2016. All rights reserved.